Looking Back at Now

First, Walked another 3 blocks total is 21 of 31 (over 67% Done with 3 days to go!).

Now, to the more interesting stuff.

What could have been
by Scott L Vannatter – 4/26/2012

I watch as the man who raised me from a child
Shuffles now into a room in which I cannot go
Four rounds of the long hand he will endure
The cycling of his blood a necessary task.

I think on the times I yelled or cried
The times when I screamed and hurt him, I’m sure
I think of the times when I was away
And, now, of what might have been.

I watch myself as I stand up, stiffly, slowly rising
My muscles and joints sing a song of pain
Habit keeps me silent throughout
I shuffle, a bit, to get the car to take him home.

I think back 8 seasons, the date coming up
and remember the blackness I shared with them
The hospital time I spent unknown to me,
But to them, a slow eternity passed.

I see that now as time gone by.
Things are better for me in ways.
But then I think back to then and now
And of how it might have been.

They are right; age makes wisdom and that is better than intelligence. I have learned more since my stroke than in all the decades before that. Most of all, I have learned that love is more important than anything; without it, we are nothing.

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  • Spiral Dreamer (Francis)  On April 27, 2012 at 8:02 pm

    The poem is wonderful but reading the comments is a great experience. Child proud of his father and the father proud of his children. Is there anything greater in human life?


    • kindredspirit23  On April 28, 2012 at 8:31 am

      It would be difficult to come up with something. Dad and I had our difficulties with each other growing up. That has been changing for quite awhile. Thanks,


  • susielindau  On April 27, 2012 at 10:27 am

    This is such a beautiful poem and you convey your point so clearly!


    • kindredspirit23  On April 27, 2012 at 5:02 pm

      Thank you. It is so wonderful to be able to be seen and read by so many who understand what I am trying to say and who enjoy it!
      This poem meant a lot to me and, apparently, it has come forth with that to others.


  • Linda  On April 27, 2012 at 2:26 am

    Very touching and very meaningful. I haven’t lost interest in your writing, just have had to set priorities, but I’m glad that I am up at 3 this morning waiting for a ride to Haiti, gave me time to see what I’ve been missing. God bless you, Scott. I think I learned more about my Dad and how to love him in the three months I cared for him before his death than I did in the whole of our almost 50 years together…..


    • kindredspirit23  On April 27, 2012 at 10:19 am

      Ah, Linda, we stretch quite a long while back and, still, have never met! It is amazing to me. I think we know each other and what we have each been through. We have changed over the years. We are both in a better place, I think.


  • magsx2  On April 26, 2012 at 11:39 pm

    A beautiful poem about your Father, very nice indeed. 🙂
    Congrats on your walking, well done. 😀


  • Soma Mukherjee  On April 26, 2012 at 11:35 pm

    How beautiful and profound is this…
    loved it Scott 🙂
    first about your walking you are doing such a great job and have covered a lot …..congrats for that…
    poetry you wrote about your Dad left me speechless for sometime..it was so moving and so full of memories …
    all of us go back and forth in our thoughts and ponder over the what ifs and may be’s But we have no way of knowing for no one has ever seen the parallel roads….what matters now is that you are doing such a good job 🙂
    Wish you a lovely blessed day 🙂


    • kindredspirit23  On April 27, 2012 at 12:24 am

      Soma, you amaze me with your insight and the feelings locked inside of you.
      Thank you for the privilege of being allowed to see you show some of those feelings toward my poetry.


  • twothmember  On April 26, 2012 at 11:29 pm

    I’m really happy to see you writing poetry! You’re a great man, and I’m proud and blessed you’re my father!



  • twothmember  On April 26, 2012 at 11:20 pm

    I am continuely amazed at what loving and exceptional father I’m blessed to have. You’re a great man, and I’m proud you’re my dad. I’m really happy to see you writing poetry!



    • kindredspirit23  On April 27, 2012 at 12:20 am

      Well, just goes to show what happens when a Dad is as proud of his children as they are of him.
      I am glad to be back doing it again.


  • Audrey  On April 26, 2012 at 9:23 pm

    Beautiful reflection, Scott.


  • Aspergers Girls  On April 26, 2012 at 9:20 pm

    My life experiences and experiences with physical conditions have taught me much about life, myself, and my journey. Your poem was powerful. I could visualize it as I read the words.


    • kindredspirit23  On April 26, 2012 at 9:33 pm

      Thanks. That was one that I could see, as well. There is a lot of emotion tied up with what is and what might have been. For me, God knows what He is doing, and I appreciate it. Scott


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