How Does It Feel?

If you have followed me for awhile, you know that I really enjoy watching the series “Dexter”. (Clip is probably rated PG-13)

For those of you unfamiliar, Dexter is the story of a child who grows up to be a serial killer. His step father raises him with a “code” to not get caught and not kill the innocent. Dexter becomes a blood-spatter specialist in the Miami Metro Police Dept. and does wonderful work for them. In his off-hours, he finds killers who have eluded jail, usually by a small technicality, and performs his own version of justice on them.

For those of you interested, here is the theme song.  Otherwise, just skip.

The show centers mostly around this theme, however, it also has many sub-themes to it; this is what makes it so very interesting to me.

One that I have been really interested in is Dexter trying, and somewhat succeeding, in gaining back his sense of emotional feelings. He has none when the show starts. He is a sociopath.

I asked a counselor once to give me a good working description of a sociopath. He looked at me and said,

“I would like to take you to dinner. I would like to cut your throat.”

He said that if the person could say both those statements with the same level of feeling (none), then they were probably a sociopath. I have had a lot of times in my life when I really wished I could step outside my emotions and react. I learned to do that fairly well at school because I knew that most of why my students did was not truly aimed at me, nor was it all their fault in the first place. But, there are many times where I slip and I imagine you do, too.

There are days, yesterday was one, in which I don’t sleep well, then have a lot happen, and my mind “forgets” for a minute to be on guard and the “truth” of that second may come out in a poor way. I say truth of that second because if I wasn’t tired, I wouldn’t be irritable and I, probably, would have handled it differently.

As I have said many times, this stroke has taken down all those walls, removed all the filters, and I have been putting back up just the ones I want up. I don’t want all those things keeping me from saying healthy things or things that will keep me healthy.

If a salesperson calls now and I don’t have time for him/her, I just tell them that. If they argue, I make my point once more, then I hang up. That’s a simple one, but I was raised to always be nice and that’s one time when it is not necessary to keep on and keep on. It is the same now if my food is not cooked or served properly. I am polite, but I will now say something instead of just letting it go.

But those are not what I am talking about. I am just saying that there are times when I slip and say or do something that, looking back, I could have said or done in a much more effective manner. But, darn, those emotions got in the way.

When I watch Dexter, I realize that those emotions are what he is looking for; he wants to feel that way; he wants to simply feel. Now, he doesn’t know that there are consequences that come with those feelings. We don’t have the choice of dealing with them; he does right now.

So, bottom line, do I want to always be in control of my emotions? Now that I think about it – No. Those emotions are what makes me tear up when I read some of your posts or poems. They are what makes me sigh when I see someone I wish I could go out with. They are what make me human.

Dexter has one great feeling; he feels that he should feel. I am glad God gave me the feelings I have now. I don’t miss the ones that I use to have more of – inferiority, ignorance, some of those. But, I do know I appreciate love and hope and sympathy and respect and those types of feelings.

If I have to have a few bad times to have all those good times, then so be it – Go Dexter!


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  • Marisa  On August 19, 2012 at 8:24 pm

    My Mom always says that our feelings are neither right nor wrong… they just are. It’s what we do with those feelings that can make or break our day, relationship, or whatever. I’ve never seen Dexter… not sure it would be something I would enjoy or not, but I did enjoy this post and I appreciate you sharing some of your vulnerabilities with us… although I’ve known for years what an awesome person you are 🙂


    • kindredspirit23  On August 19, 2012 at 11:36 pm

      I doubt strongly that you would like Dexter. It is full of swearing, blood, and sexual overtones. Just so you know. It is funny, but you have to get over the rest.
      Thanks for the wonderful compliment Marisa.


  • Aspergers Girls  On August 19, 2012 at 1:06 am

    Great Post….I like my feelings….I am learning to like all of them, and accept them all. They connect us as humans. This was a super subject to read about. Dexter….watched one episode and couldn’t get into it because of his lack of empathy. But I should give it another try. I love Breaking Bad and loved Weeds, too. 🙂 Sam


    • kindredspirit23  On August 19, 2012 at 9:53 am

      I think Dexter is a learned experience. As you go through the episodes you see two thing: All of the problems he has because he has no feelings and all of the desire he has to find and learn to have feelings.
      Yes, unfortunately, one episode won’t do it. You may not like it, but I think it is worth a few just to find out.
      Scott – BB


  • buckwheatsrisk  On August 18, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    i know that show. is it sociopath you mean or psychopath?


    • kindredspirit23  On August 18, 2012 at 2:33 pm

      No, most serial killers are sociopaths. They have no feelings, no emotions, therefore, can kill without any remorse. Psychopaths can, certainly, kill, but it is different.


      • buckwheatsrisk  On August 18, 2012 at 4:04 pm

        wow then i have them mixed up and when i think about it my father would rather have allowed my mother to die then let her get the treatment she needed just so could travel…she almost did


  • Linda Stapleton de Martinez  On August 18, 2012 at 8:22 am

    Great post, Scott. When I make time to read what you have written I get to wondering what I’ve missed on the occasions when I think I don’t have time or the first few sentences don’t grab me.

    I have never seen Dexter, or heard of it, but I have sometimes thought I would prefer to feel things less. Then, when I really think about what that would mean, if it is an either/or, I guess I would prefer to feel the joy along with the sadness, if the alternative is to feel nothing, .

    Occasionally I have the “gift” of being able to really see into someone’s life and to feel what they are going through. I was trained in this as a counsellor, to walk in another’s shoes, but that isn’t what I’m talking about, this is completely spontaneous and sometimes unwanted. It usually happens in church when if I feel the urge to pray for someone who may seem distressed, but not always, and it’s as though I really enter into their feelings, which can be very disarming. However, it does open doors to show a little more love than I might have otherwise. The “be kinder than necessary” quote comes to mind and makes me realize that it is usually necessary to be as kind as we can, unless we have tried that with telesales people and they won’t take no for an answer!



    • kindredspirit23  On August 18, 2012 at 2:31 pm

      Thanks for sharing, Linda. It’s so nice to know you are out there reading. It’s okay if it’s not all the time, but, as you see, I often take off from a topic and go somewhere else!


  • lostbythesea  On August 18, 2012 at 12:08 am

    I haven’t watched Dexter, but I do love character studies. So I imagine it’s a show I would enjoy. I don’t get HBO but, I bet it’s available on DVD’s. Funny thing about feelings.. I am very sensitive. There are times I had wished I was numb. Comfortably numb. But thankfully those times are far and few between. Sounds like you’re doing AOK in the Yes Man dept. And that is a very good thing! Thanks again for sharing your humanness with us. It’s refreshing and inspiring. 🙂


    • kindredspirit23  On August 18, 2012 at 10:15 am

      You are welcome for the sharing.
      Dexter is on Showtime, but you are right, it is on DVDs. That’s how I watch it.
      It is currently on (or getting ready to start) Season 7.
      Thank you for sharing in return.


  • dmmacilroy  On August 17, 2012 at 11:39 pm

    Dear Kindred Spirit,

    Since you are a fan of Dexter, have you read the novels upon which the show is based?

    By the way, that cat picture is amazing.




    • kindredspirit23  On August 17, 2012 at 11:59 pm

      Thanks, I saw the cat picture and just had to borrow it. As with all my pics, the owner info in in the pic – right click and click on image info.
      No, I have not read the books. I doubt that I would not that I have watched so much of it; however, I would love to hear what you think of them.


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