Unburdening Myself

I sit here today and things have hit me; thing that needed to get a bit to me have done so. I am melancholy; I am sad; I am enlightened. I am all those things and more.

I sit here today and think about:

Buckwheatsrisk and her abuse;

Mulberry Whine, who has survived the loss of a child for a year;

Sam, who lives wonderfully in a world that might well drive me mad;

Soma, who has a handicapped child she loves so much;

Niltsi, who suffers painfully;

The Enfant Terrible, who suffers – I can see it in her writing;

Grace, who suffers but braves it wonderfully;

there are others.  I commented the other day that I had landed in the right place; I had found people like me.  That is true.  We all have suffered; we all have sacrificed.

Some of us have overcome by taking up a cause; others have overcome through poetry; still others have managed by painfully writing their feelings, putting them out there for others to read.  We have all suffered.

I have spoken of unburdening myself more on this site and was told to “go ahead”, we’re not going anywhere.  So I tell (retell) you all how hard it was growing up and always feeling guilty and bad and as if all of it were my fault, though I could do nothing to stop it.

I tell you how horrible it was to think that I could only have something if I either had to over-sacrifice to get it or have someone give it to me (because of either pity or because I was able to make them think I was good).

Living a life that is mentally horrible because of the way you felt about yourself is not really living at all.

Yet, I learned and I grew and I continued to suffer, but all to a reason.  During the learning of that reason I helped raise two children who have, in spite of it all, become successes in their own rights; I have met some wonderful people who have been true friends; I have met others who were, somehow, hurting worse than myself – and I helped many of them.

Most of all, I met God and, though He didn’t change throughout it all, I did.  I grew and I fell and I grew some more, then fell harder.  This process which I could call the “Humpty Dumpty Jack and Jill” method of learning brought me to so many walls and hills that I am surprised I am alive; that is thanks to God, who never took His eyes or hands off me.  He helped me grow and evolve into someone who is now pretty happy and even a little proud of himself, physically a mess, but staying in there.

And, I think of all these people I read with everyday, these blog posts, all of you who, in spite of the problems, write just like I do.  We share ourselves and put ourselves out there to the world – and that is scary!

To myself and to all of us, I say “Wow!”

Namaste,

Scott

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Comments

  • bert0001  On August 27, 2012 at 12:34 am

    Reblogged this on who is reblogged .

    Like

  • ~Lady Day  On August 26, 2012 at 11:46 pm

    Hurting is human and we are all healing. Hugs to you Scott.

    Like

  • lostbythesea  On August 26, 2012 at 11:04 pm

    I agree Scott.. so much suffering so little control, except by our thoughts (and some days that’s a far stretch). Thank you for sharing your gifts of compassion, acceptance, humor and strength.

    Like

  • buckwheatsrisk  On August 26, 2012 at 10:42 pm

    Scott you grew up with such pain too…i’m so sorry to hear that. this is powerful keep going with it!

    Like

    • kindredspirit23  On August 27, 2012 at 1:15 am

      I know it is powerful. Keep on me about it; don’t let me slide. I can’t do it everyday, but I need to do it more. Thanks to you for your strides; they helped give me strength. As you say: there is hope!

      Like

    • kindredspirit23  On November 3, 2012 at 12:49 pm

      I will, especially with listeners/friends like you.

      Like

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Philosophy is all about being curious, asking basic questions. And it can be fun!

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