Where’s the Beauty?

Not me, but you get the idea.

I was sitting here at the computer and thought of an incident that happened about 20 years ago.

After my first divorce (children’s mother), I joined a singles group, Parents Without Partners. I met quite a few friends there and, sometimes, we would go out as a group to a bar and just relax.

This one particular night, it was myself and two young ladies, good friends, and we were at a table talking. As was our custom, we were talking about the other people in the bar and who we would like to take out. I had mentioned a couple of them.

The girl to my right was a person who I told quite a time before that we could be friends, but would never get along as a couple (we wouldn’t). She was harping on me about my choice in women. It was quite funny and I decided to teach her a bit of a lesson. The other woman enjoyed it quite a bit I found out. The conversation went a little like this:

Her: “You always pick the same women! You always look at the little thin things with long blonde hair.” (Not true, by the way. She was way not this way and we seldom agreed on anything).

Me: “So?”

Her: “How to you know they are good for you? How do you know that someone not like that might not be better?”

Me: “I haven”t met them yet. All I have to go on is looks. That’s usually how it starts.”

Her: “You need to open up. You need to change the type of woman you go after.”

Me: “You see that guy at the bar?”

Her: “Which one?”

Me: “The one on the far left.” (The guy had a scraggly beard, ragged clothes, was quite a bit older, and looked a little like he spent a lot of time here at the bar.)

Her: “Yeah, I see him. What about him?”

Me: “Why don’t you go up there and ask him out?”

Her: “No way! He’s ugly!”

Me: “Then shut up and leave me alone.”

Conversation ended.

She was not happy, but quit arguing with me about it.

Have you ever had something similar happen?

How did you handle it?

I know that outward appearance is no where near all you need to find in someone you really want to spend time with. But, doesn’t it have to play some part? What part?


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  • Russell  On October 19, 2012 at 10:59 am

    How does that saying go? “Beauty may only be skin deep, but ugly goes all the way to the bone.”


  • chiquitar  On October 19, 2012 at 6:58 am

    Ha! Well, I’ve eventually become attracted to a person I originally was not attracted to, once I got to know them. But there can be warning signs in looks as well–certain activities or expressions leave traces that can warn us away. So I think it is more important not to be turned off than to initially find someone attractive =-)


    • kindredspirit23  On October 19, 2012 at 8:49 am

      Good Point! I have met people, that, although attractive, turned me off for expressions or movements of some sort or something in the way they phrased things.


  • susielindau  On October 17, 2012 at 11:04 am

    Pretty dang funny!


  • Linda Stapleton de Martinez  On October 17, 2012 at 6:57 am

    Ooh, this brought memories flooding back. When I was very young, probably around 14, I had only just started dating and was very hip. It was in the early 70s and image was everything. A guy, Ben, who a friend and I had both fancied like crazy asked me out. Well, I was over the moon, he was older, very cool, very much appeared to be of the hippy generation that I was so into.

    So, when I went to meet him I thought he had stood me up because he had had his beautiful long hair cut off. I didn’t recognise him. He’d dressed up in smarter clothes and I didn’t want to be seen dead with him. I said I was sorry, I couldn’t go out with him again and he was devastated and when I told him why, he said he’d done it for me! I don’t even remember how he treated me on that night because I was too concerned about being seen with someone so uncool.

    That was probably the single most sacrificial thing anyone has ever done on my behalf (except my parents) but I deprived myself of the chance of getting to know him, all for vanity and image. Thank God I’ve grown up since then….. Sad, isn’t it, I still feel bad about the way I treated him and would make amends if I could. I wonder if he still remembers it, too, more than 40 years later.


    • kindredspirit23  On October 17, 2012 at 10:07 am

      He remembers, Linda. I imagine he is over it, but I would bet he remembers it. That was huge, what he did. Isn’t it interesting how we make our decisions? The reasons change as we grow and mature. I made some horrible choices when I was younger.


  • Soma Mukherjee  On October 17, 2012 at 12:41 am

    lol..but true outward appearance is important too..


    • kindredspirit23  On October 17, 2012 at 2:16 am

      See? I agree! Just has to go into the balance. And, beauty is different to each person.


  • Marisa  On October 17, 2012 at 12:36 am

    Outward beauty… I wouldn’t know a whole lot about that since I spend 15 minutes or so getting ready for the day… Plain Jane am I! But, I do believe you and your partner need to feel an attraction for one another (especially initially). Just a side bar: An ugly inside eventually rubs off on the outside, so outward beauty only lasts if there’s an inward beauty to match 😀


  • buckwheatsrisk  On October 16, 2012 at 11:53 pm

    Now that is funny!! LOL



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