Running on Fumes

When I try to do too much, I wear myself down and then begin to do things that are…well…dumb.  I end up wasting time and losing things.  That happened today.

I began this morning far behind from working on my computer and was about 119 posts behind in reading.  I decided that, little by little, I would get them read and catch back up.  The links are all stored in my email in a folder called – wow – “New Posts”.  They are put in there automatically when I receive the email about your new post if I am following you.  I click on the link, read/comment on the post, then delete the email out of the folder.  When the folder is empty, voila, I am caught up.  Simple? huh?

Well, this morning I read a bunch of them and was pretty happy with myself, but I was rushed.  I have a lot to do by Tuesday morning and I was very tired this morning.  So, after a nap which I just had to have, I went back into my email to read a few more posts – What?!  The entire folder of “New Posts” was gone!  I checked and looked and, finally, had to come to the conclusion that I had, instead of deleting the email, I had deleted the folder.  Now, this action comes with a warning.  So, I actually did two things wrong and didn’t know about either.  What I am left with now is that I have to manually go through each of the people I follow (about 70) and read their current post and work backward until I hit a post I haven’t read.

Now, I know you are all out there saying, “Scott, you don’t have to read all of our posts.”  I know that and I probably won’t get to just by doing it this way.  I understand how wonderful you all are and that you will forgive me if I don’t get all of yours read.  But, I want to try.  I made this promise to myself and I don’t want to just let it go.  I enjoy reading all of them.  I simply mischeduled my time.  I wasted today sitting behind the computer watching a 12 part (12 min per part) minecraft tournament.  It was fun and it let me relax, so I will amend my statement to:  I spent today doing other things and than cleaning and cooking and reading posts.  That’s not necessarily a bad thing for me.

I keep thinking that, because I don’t work, I have so much more time than others who do.  Truth is I forget that the reason I don’t work is that I had a major stroke.  I fatigue so much easier and take so much longer to do things that I, in essence, have no more time than the rest of you, so I do get rushed – it’s just in a slower fashion.

I feel that stress now and, since I do, I am going to slow down.  I am going to do what I can and no more.  I have gotten to the point that I do understand that rushing in my case is very dangerous.  It can cause me to have another stroke, something I am not doing.

So, please don’t feel bad or whatever about all this.  I feel it is God showing me that it is time to stop and think.  So, I am stopping and thinking.  I wish I could take the time though to tell each one of you what you have shown me through your blog posts, your comments, and just the way you present yourselves.  It is such a beautiful world out there with you all in it.  I do simply wish I had the money to come see each of you for a couple of days and shared life and thoughts and then do posts on those sharings – wow! that would be so wonderful!!!

So, the thought I will leave you with is to slow down yourselves, take breaks, smile, enjoy this journey because, as my son says, you won’t get out of it alive.  This is the time; this is the place; this is the way you need to be to enjoy it all.  Don’t wait – it doesn’t come – it is already here.

Namaste,

Scott