Preferences are not Always Understandable by Others

I made my comments the other day that I do like broccoli and I don’t like steak.  My father looked at me and said, “I must have raised you wrong.” or something close to that.

I was reading Madison Woods’ post for today > the post < and the idea intrigued me enough that I decided that I would give her credit, then post my own thoughts on a similar topic.

My father’s inability to accept my preferences as okay seem to be in a kinship with a lot of other people.  I know a lot of individuals who cannot accept something that is different from what they like.  It’s worse if what they like is not normal and they still cannot accept yours as valid.

Food preferences are small potatoes (sorry, had to) when it comes to importance.  However, they illustrate well a point that covers everything from sexual preferences to political maneuvers to appearance.  If 90% of the world enjoys McDonald’s hamburgers and you much more prefer Arby’s, to the point that you think that the majority are strange, it is nearly understandable.  However, if I don’t care for McDonald’s or Arby’s ,but, instead,prefer a hot dog from Dairy Queen and you find that horrible too, how does that make you look?  That’s what I see a lot of in this old world and its people.

I have a friend who cannot understand my preference to date women who are younger than me.  Now, I have gone over a lot of this in my head and I believe I understand the reasoning I have.  Some of that reasoning is based on a simple what I find attractive; other parts are more complex and my interest in psychology tells me I may be a bit arrested on a particular stage of my life.  Whatever the reason, I am seeing quite a bit of change in how I feel now and who I prefer just on the note of age.  I have, I believe, moved past that part of me that was, perhaps, unwilling to grow older.  I have, I know, seen that younger women are, normally, less mature and not willing to look at life as I do.  Both of these psychological reasons are sound to me and have helped me to understand both myself and my growth and make adjustments accordingly.  My friend, however, is persistent on telling me that I should narrow my search to older women for the majority and ignores any progress I make on my feelings and preferences.  What it has accomplished is, basically, to persuade me to NOT change any more so that he cannot feel that he has “won.”  And I have found it irritating that I cannot allow myself to change as I see fit for the reasons I see fit.

This world is made up of individuals who do not believe the same way or prefer the same things.  That has created a world of vast opportunities as well as differences.  If we all liked the same food, there would be only one type of restaurant; if we all liked the same clothes, we would only have one type of store for clothing.  The fact is that there are almost as many different restaurants as there are foods.  When I was much younger, going to Burger Chef (which I don’t believe even exists anymore) was a real treat.  Now, fast foods are quickly falling behind to restaurants with a wider, healthier menu.  Clothing is going through a similar process as are books and other items we all enjoy to one degree or another.  When I look at how many stations are available now on cable and satellite, it scares me just a bit.  The size of the book of channel listings for satellite TV covering a month is a little intimidating to say the least.

As usual, I am digressing.  I tend to expand my point to other topics then to take off on those topics a bit.  Getting back, I have tried to figure out why people get upset when someone doesn’t care much for their particular likes and/or dislikes.  I believe I have concluded it to be a matter of feeling secure.  If I like something and you don’t, it may worry me that you may be liked more than me or that I am wrong and my choice is a poor one.  From this point, it makes sense that you would feel a little threatened by my choice not agreeing with yours.  People could see a difference as something that others would notice and not like you for, or some people might think that others would see your preference and think I am the same because we are friends.  I think this reason happens a lot in families.   One member is a little “different” and the others feel they may be compared to this member.  It does happen, but should we worry about that?

Do I have a right to my opinion, even if it differs from yours?

Are you threatened if someone doesn’t believe as you do?

How often do you choose your preference based on what someone else says or does?

And, finally, do you think two people can get along or even date or marry if they have a lot of different preferences?

Namaste,

Scott

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Comments

  • susielindau  On March 25, 2013 at 1:03 am

    I think the differences are more interesting than the similarities.

    Like

  • 4amWriter  On March 24, 2013 at 6:21 pm

    I differ from a lot of people my age on issues, and I often tell myself it’s because I was born several decades too late. 🙂 When I was younger I had a tough time standing my ground on things I believed, but nowadays I don’t really care who I tick off with my beliefs. 😉

    Like

  • bert0001  On March 24, 2013 at 3:22 pm

    My opinion smiles strangely 8=) …. 🙂

    Like

  • Ruby  On March 24, 2013 at 2:24 pm

    My friends and family used to call me stubborn. I have my preferences and no one can tell me otherwise. An advice is always welcome but disregarding my opinion!

    Like

    • kindredspirit23  On March 24, 2013 at 3:22 pm

      I understand that. I am much more stubborn now than I used to be, but it comes across differently because what I am stubborn about is simply not worrying about so much in life. I think this often bothers people. They think I don’t care when it’s simply I am not worried; God takes care of me.

      Like

  • Soma Mukherjee  On March 24, 2013 at 1:57 pm

    we,all of us no matter how close or far we are mentally and/or physically are different from each other just like the thumb prints.
    admit there are people who like same things but that doesnt make the whole world.
    even with the best of the friends there will be some topics they wont agree on..relationships( friends,mates,couples whatever) work only when we agree to disagree on those issues and still get along.
    i love the fact that most of my friends are open minded people. we live our lives,have our own likes and dislikes and we know each others and don’t force our choices on others.
    this kind of understanding makes every relationship interesting,beautiful and long lasting..

    Like

  • Madison Woods  On March 24, 2013 at 1:12 pm

    I love diversity. Without it there would be no reason for art of any sort and the world would be a sad place. I think the problems stem from fear. Same=safe, different=scary… but I’m not sure why. I’ve always been fascinated by differences. My fiance and I are alike in many ways, but in the ways we are different we are completely opposite. I think this gives us balance and we agree to disagree on those points.

    Yes I think everyone has a right to their own opinion, just maybe not a right to act on it when the action would bring harm or undesired effect on someone else.

    Many of my decisions have gone against the advice of people who thought they were right to be very vocal in voicing their opinions, so I guess I don’t always listen to the opinion of others when it’s something important to me. If I don’t care much one way or the other and am just having trouble deciding, I might listen more.

    Like

    • kindredspirit23  On March 24, 2013 at 3:19 pm

      Different = scary, I imagine, because we don’t understand it as well and have attached fear to that difference. I am glad to hear you can stick up for yourself when you feel strongly about something.

      Like

  • combs2jc  On March 24, 2013 at 11:09 am

    I am very conservative in my views for myself and VERY libertarian towards everyone else. If you treat me good I treat you good. Each person has to do what is core to who they are, but that does not mean they are not a good person. I have friends that the only thing we can agree on is our mutual respect for each other. I can enjoy people of any color, national origin, religion, political view, age, or whatever. I enjoy finding the common ground.
    I always thought of myself as open-minded towards others.
    So, it came as shock to me when I found out even I have something that is hard for me to accept.
    Middle-aged, single again, with a 7 year-old daughter. Women my age have grandchildren, so we are at different stages in our lives. Not good ground for dating.
    Women who have kids my daughters age (or could have) I just cannot feel comfortable with on a date because I keep thinking “She is young enough she could almost be my daughter” and I just cannot get past that thought enough to enjoy mself. Oh well, I don’t really have time for dating anyway LOL.

    Like

    • kindredspirit23  On March 24, 2013 at 11:13 am

      I do feel certain there are those that you can be compatible with and enjoy being around. However, it is, as always, up to you to choose whether to test those waters or not.
      I have altered my ideas of who I would enjoy dating. I have decided that, as long as I am just dating, it doesn’t matter too much the person’s age or a lot of other things about her. The question will be simply, “Can we go out for an evening and just have fun?” Problem is that most women do not seem to be of that mindset. We shall see.

      Like

      • combs2jc  On March 24, 2013 at 11:31 am

        Ya I thought I was like that too. Until I spent an evening that should have been enjoyable for me but wasn’t, because I kept thinking “She’s almost 20 years younger than me.” If we had been standing beside each other watching our kids in a school play I would have thoroughly enjoyed her company. But for some reason my brain was just not prepared to let me enjoy an evening one on one. It is funny in a way. On my mothers side of the family the men were usually 25 to 15 years older than their wives. And all the men in this line were in their 40’s or 50’s when my ancestor was born. But it seems to be a hangup for me LOL. Who knows LOL.

        Like

        • kindredspirit23  On March 24, 2013 at 3:18 pm

          Very interesting! I get picked on if I show interest in someone 15 years younger than me.

          Like

        • combs2jc  On March 24, 2013 at 5:07 pm

          Back when I was single the last time (dozen years ago) I dated women who were 8 years younger than me to 15 years older than me, though most were within my age + or – five years. The other thing that seems weird to me this time vs last is that the women who are 15 to 20 years younger than me are more very forward (I’ve been hit on a few times) I’m not complaining, it’s just something new to me. But anyway I guess the bottom line is that the “dating scene” is not what I feel comfortable with. I’ve got enough in my life to keep me busy so I’m just “gonna sit this one out.” Hey my grandfather was on his own for 15 years after my grandmother died and him and I had a blast together. Any “extra time” I have on my hands I’ll give to my daughter. Good luck to ya Scott, let me know how it works out for you.
          🙂

          Like

        • kindredspirit23  On March 24, 2013 at 5:13 pm

          I understand. I hope you will get a chance to read my Tuesday blog as it covers something similar.
          Yes, I am ahead for once.
          🙂
          Scott

          Like

        • combs2jc  On March 24, 2013 at 5:18 pm

          I will, Sunday is the day I catch up on my blog readings.

          Like

        • kindredspirit23  On March 24, 2013 at 5:19 pm

          🙂

          Like

  • Becki Duckworth  On March 24, 2013 at 12:56 am

    Oh no , you brought back a memory to a moment when my father said you must not be my child if you don’t eat pork HAHA. I still don’t. One of the wonderful things about living in the Pacific Northwest is the diversity and the acceptance of all.

    Like

  • behindthemaskofabuse  On March 24, 2013 at 12:19 am

    My Hubby and I are complete opposites, even extreme height difference but i think i’m more normal and he’s weird..lol 😉

    Like

  • I believe our world would be a dull place if we all agreed. However, in the interest of world peace, we must learn to compromise. Great discussion.

    Like

  • Becki Duckworth  On March 23, 2013 at 11:14 pm

    My husband and I are very different and we celebrated 18 years of marriage last month. We all are different , thats what makes us all interesting. I grew up in the midwest in a small town without diversity and was expected to think, like and act as my parents did

    Like

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