I did post a short poem below, but I could not help but post this clip which has 2 men singing a song that brought tears to my eyes. I am not certain I have ever heard it sung so well.
Following that with a poem is nearly inadequate, but I will try:
The Filth that was
By Scott L Vannatter
Oct 29, 1985
The last trickle of water swirled
. down the dusty drain
After the gurgle, I cried,
. “Why is it always like that – –
. swirl and trickle until it’s gone?”
Dingy porcelain stared.
. “Purity…Hah!”
The purest just went down the sewer.
Now the cleaning begins.
Make it sparkle, white, pure
So no one will know the filth that was.*
___________________________________
*I marked out the last line in the original.
-What do you think? Leave it in? out? does it matter?
Namaste,
Scott
Comments
I liked the poem and think maybe it is a pity you question the last line, because that forces the reader into an inevitable focus to the detriment of the rest of it.
Only you know what you wanted to say, so only you can decide.
My only comment is that the last line makes it significantly darker.
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I have said, I like the last line, and, yes, I think leaving it out would confuse people. We need to understand that the poem is mostly about cleaning our lives up so people don’t see what they are really like. I don’t do this much at all anymore, but pre-stroke, I tried to put on a facade.
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I like the last line too, Scott 🌸
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For dim wit like me, the last line helped. Very good poem.
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Don’t put yourself down, Indira. I have had several tell me they prefer it with the last line in (I do, too, actually).
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Thanks Scott.
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i love the last line.. Poem made me think of my life..
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🙂
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I also think you should leave the last line in, it makes it more clear 🙂
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That’s been the vote so far. I like it, too.
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I like the last line left in. Without it I would be scratching my simple head in confusion.
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Good to hear. I put it back because I liked it too.
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