A Young Woman, an Assumption, and My Life

When I was in high school, I was head-over-heels in love with a young woman.  We dated, became close, and things were going very well.  I was the usual guy in school:  I hadn’t thought long-long term.  Marriage was in my head, but I hadn’t done the details.  I just knew this was “the one”.

My family and I went on a trip for two-three weeks to a State Park (Levi Jackson) in KY in the summer.  We had done this before; I always enjoyed it.  This time, however, I was lonely; I missed my bright-eyed, laughing young blonde and had a difficult time thinking of all the time without her.  I believe I wrote several times; I know I sat and thought about her constantly.

Finally, the time was up and we returned home.  I went to see her very soon for a date.  I drove to her house and knocked.  When I was let in, there was another guy there.  He was there for her, of course.  She and I went out, but I was cold and fairly unforgiving; I was angry and hurt.   I remember saying something to her when I dropped her back off, and she knew that we weren’t going out anymore.

I thought back and “realized” what the problem was:  A relative had been talking to me about “French kissing” and had said that you get pregnant from it.  I was fairly naïve then on the subject of sex, so I took him at his word.  Of course, what he meant was that French kissing can lead to other things that get you pregnant.  Anyway, the next time I had seen her she had been ready to try that and I had refused.  I “knew” that the reason she found someone else was that I had not been willing to do that.

She stayed in my head for a very long time after that, decades.  I, finally, reconnected with her when I was in my 50’s.  We had both been married and divorced.  I, having had my filters turned off from the stroke, asked her about why we broke up.  Her statement:  I had been planning to go into the ministry at the time and she could not see herself as a minister’s wife!

I was wrong!  I had been wrong all these years!

Now, I am wiser; now, I understand better.  This has really helped to teach me to ask questions and seek out answers and not to a-s-s-u-m-e.  It’s not that I would have done anything different in this case.  She didn’t want to be a minister’s wife, but couldn’t tell me that, so she chose a rather poor method of letting me know she was done.  However, I might have been different if I had not gone all those years carrying her memory in my head and reliving the times over and over.

What was important was that, had I been able to ask questions and get refinement, I would have asked the relative and things might have turned out a bit different there! 🙂

You ever make an assumption that changed a large part of your life and then find out you were wrong?

Namaste,

Scott

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