I was talking to myself tonight. I do this all the time, but don’t worry, it’s only bad if you don’t know it’s you on both sides of the conversation. It’s okay to answer yourself, but just know it’s not an actual social conversation. Sometimes, it’s the only way you can be certain you are talking to someone on an equal level of intelligence, emotion, and spirituality. Just sayin’…
The subject on tonight’s agenda was “true love”. I mentioned this before: I, apparently, don’t know how to pick someone I truly love or who truly loves me, so I have stopped picking. I can date; I can get into some relationships, but marriage is not in the equation. At least, it’s not until I figure this one out. No more people who manipulate, take advantage of, humiliate, bully, order around, think they are the center of everything, and anything else that makes people miserable to be around.
So, I am having this conversation with myself and I have thought about some things. I pretended that someone close to me was getting divorced and was pouring out her soul to me, wanting some answers. I do better talking to women, so there. I have said often that most men are jerks. They spend so much time thinking about sports, war, and sex (well, sports and war are not so good, anyway) that they don’t seem to have emotions wrapped up much at all. I could be wrong there, but not through experience. Advice like “hang in there,” “just tough it out,” or “just drink or dope out, you’ll see” don’t cut it for me. I would like a long conversation that involves more upper thinking. Sorry, guys. Some of you are great, but, be honest, you know what I mean.
Anyway, this pretend lady asks me what true love is. I start to talk:
Maybe it’s easier to say what true love isn’t. It isn’t constant manipulation. It isn’t being worried every time the other person is out of your sight. It isn’t wondering if anything is going on. Those things destroy a relationship; true love should allow one to build.
True love is something that may not be apparent right away; it can develop; however, it should encompass mutual respect and concern, mutual understanding and a willingness to compromise if disagreements happen. I am not saying never fight; that allows emotions to flow. But, it should be short-lived and a willingness to come to an understanding and see each other’s point of view should be of paramount importance to both people.
There should be a solid enjoyment of being in each other’s company and sharing life. However, I also think that both people should be allowed a decent portion of alone time or time with friends. Jealousy is a product of low self-esteem; it should be important to each person that the other person feel good about themselves so that worry and such does not have a chance to flourish.
Large goals should be agreed upon or, at least, compatible. There should be no animosity over the goals of the other.
I don’t believe you have to be able to read each other’s minds. I simply think you should be willing to understand that you can misunderstand or be misunderstood and keep the lines of communication and sharing open.
Finally, if all the above is going well, I don’t think the following should have much to do with it at all:
1) Gender (Yes, I meant to put this one first. Too much explosive problems over others telling people who to love)
3) Religion (that’s a tough one)
6) Appearance (beyond simply trying to look your best)
While I agree that similarities in the above is important, they should not be the decide all in the situation. If you are truly in love and have decided you are then, if family and/or friends cannot accept this, you may have to walk away from the family and/or friends. Tough choices, but if it was easy, I would have no problem, would I?
One last thing: it shouldn’t be the partner’s place to make the other feel wonderful and great all the time. Each needs to take some personal responsibility as well as be supportive and helpful.
That’s my thoughts tonight on the matter.
How do you feel?
Have I left out anything?