My “Why”

This new business I have started is enjoyable and I have gotten to meet some very wonderful people.  What’s more I am finding that even those people outside my two groups are wonderful, too.  We went to a Saturday group meeting with some of the national people there and all were great.  I really do love this company.

Now, having said all of that, I am having a bit of a problem.  You see, each of us in the company has a reason to be doing this business.  We call it the “why” and it is somewhat different for each of us.  I have been struggling with this and do not understand why I can’t figure out my “why.”  I am closer, but still not grabbing that brass ring as I go by.

At a meeting on Monday (last night), I got some glimpses inside myself and my problem and they stem, not from the business, but from inside me.  Thus, my sharing this with all of you.

You see, I used to feel things very strongly.  I was high-strung, nervous, shy, and stressed out, and this caused me to feel very strongly.  The stroke settled a lot of that.  Now, my blood pressure is normal and my sugar is normal (thank God for both) and I don’t fly off the handle or get very nervous or upset about anything.  This seems to have, also, caused me to lose some of my intense feelings about other things.  I don’t feel so strongly anymore.

The problem, then, is that when I try to find the emotional reason for me to do this new job opportunity well, I can’t feel strongly like I used to, so it eludes me.  I know it’s there, but it is below the surface and I am struggling.

So far, the best answer has come from a person I truly respect in this new job area.  He has been in it for about three years and I admire him greatly.  His suggestion is helping me.  He says:

Imagine you are back in the hospital after the stroke and you have found out that you are not going to make it.  Think of the things you wish you had done before you go.  What are those things?  Those will be your “why.”

So, I did.  I took myself back to that very scary time and tried to think how I would have felt had I thought I was going to die.  I realized that what I would have regretted most is not helping my Sister and children to be in a place of contentment, at least, financially.  This led me to understand that what I want to do most is to simply help people.  Starting with those I love and moving outwards, I wish to make others feel better and smile and know that the world is a good place with good people in it.

This is not a new concept to me, however, it has helped me refocus.  I still don’t have any overriding feelings about it, but now I know this is right – that much feels good.

All of this also helped me to realize that I did well in my other jobs because of this desire to help people.  Teaching becomes kind of obvious here, but my other jobs also went out to others as I was always gravitating to what I could do to teach and/or help others in those positions, too.

I do miss those strong feelings of attachment to thoughts and ideas, but I also know that I will live much longer because I have mellowed out and my emotions run milder.  This has also helped me understand the post I did earlier about my not being certain I know what love is:  that emotion does exist, however, it is mellowed and I don’t recognize it anymore.

How about all of you?  Do you have your “why” to exist?  How are your emotions?  Are you lost or confused?  Do you have it all together or are there parts of you that seem disjointed and, perhaps, unfeeling?

I do say a pray for all of you to grow and learn and to know your why.  I am still growing and learning.

Namaste,

Scott

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