8 Reasons to “Hit the Road” –
Another A Guide to Internet Dating
I have been spending a little time on the net dating sites most nights for a long time. I have gone from hours of research daily and writing pages of letters to browsing for a bit and writing to a couple of new friends. Why the big change? I think it is because I am finally learning how to “hit the road” without all that pain and suffering much more quickly. I have learned to stack the potential date up against my fairly firm list of “Reasons to Run.” I decided to share those with you. Granted, they are tailored mostly for a male, however, with a bit of touch up, women could use this list, too.
1) Make the initial search match your needs and desires. Internet dating may allow you to view thousands of women, but, come on, if you can reasonably cut that down to a few dozen in your initial search, great for you. Consider a decent age range, kids or no kids, smoking or no, and other simple parameters that will chop four hours a night down to twenty minutes to an hour, or less.
2) What’s the main theme in her profile? The title may tell you most of it: “Looking for a man who loves to travel” is only good if you love to travel. “Need a casino partner” only fits if you love to gamble. Don’t jump on the wagon for someone who wants to do something you hate.
3) Check the pets. Do you like pets? How many? I once dated someone who had 2 cats and a dog. I cared enough to be okay with that (all inside animals). When that changed to 2 cats and 4 dogs, all inside, things were just not for me. Granted, this was after dating awhile, however, if the picture of your next beloved has a multitude of animals hanging on her or her title is “Want to start a zoo?” perhaps, she is not for you.
4) Look for lasting commonalities. I love movies. I love reading. I enjoy mostly quiet evenings. So, a woman who hates films or who thinks a book is best for holding open doors or one who needs to be on the move constantly is, most likely, not for me. Don’t think about how much fun the first few weeks might be, think of the long-term idea of dealing with such differences for years.
5) Give the picture an honest look. Appearances are not everything. I know that. What I am saying is this: if the picture is fuzzy or she is so small in it that you need a magnifying lens to see her, she did not take putting her best photo out there very seriously. If she feels that way about her profile, do you need to be tying up all of your time with her? Those are okay for 2nd, 3rd, or 4th pics, but for the main profile shot? Nope.
6) Does she tell you about herself or just qualify your right to inquire? What I mean is when you read her profile, does she tell you who she is and what she does? Does she paint a picture you can see and understand? Or does she spend most of the profile qualifying who you must be in order to even write her? I have seen profiles in which most every sentence started with “Must be…” and then told you who she wanted. Just because you meet her qualifications, certainly doesn’t mean she meets yours. What it tells me is that she mostly thinks of herself and not others.
7) Do you have similar goals? Easy one, but often overlooked if the pic is nice and the basics fit. She could look like an angel and live where you would like, good job, and enjoy some things you do, but if her goals in life, down the road, are at odds with yours, don’t think you have to change – just don’t even go there.
8) Get to know her. If the initial profile looks good and the seven steps above have been met, write for 2-3 times (back and forth) before meeting. You are expected to pay for the date, you are the man (I am old-fashioned, I know). Talk a bit beforehand just to see if she is really what she says and if there are some glaring problems to be decided before meeting. Nothing beats a face-to-face get-together, but if she writes you a response in which you almost have to decipher the thing to understand what she has said, chances are that profile was either written for her or she spent an eternity on it. Nothing wrong with that, but you deserve to know.
As a guide to you and your writing, use the above 8 steps to help you create your own profile. Think of what you would want to see and read and know and put yourself out there. It’s better to not get many responses, than get only responses from the wrong people because you lied or held back. You don’t need to tell everything, but share enough for them to choose you.
I took a different track on dating sites this last time I put my profiles out there. I stuck with only 2 sites (free ones) and I told the absolute truth. I told them I am disabled. I told them about myself. I finally decided that, if they choose to show interest in me, I don’t want to get all excited about a date and have her fall apart when I walk in the restaurant or wherever with a cane. I am upfront and complete. I tell my good parts and, at least, mention the not-so-good parts. A well-informed decision on both sides, I think, will make me happier in the long run.
In closing, one bit of advice I have culled from many people and also figured out on my own: It’s better to be lonely and, perhaps, miserable than to marry the wrong person and have to live that mistake.