Killing Me Slowly…

Hayden Panettiere has entered a clinic for depression.  I loved watching her on “Heroes”.  I suffered a serious bout of depression (actually depression/anxiety) before my stroke.  I was in counseling for many years and medicated somewhat  moderately.  Hayden’s trip to the center has reinforced my knowledge that being rich and famous does not insulate you from the world’s problems.  The world inside our heads comprise the biggest part of our lives.

I watched a commercial tonight concerned with a new drug meant to treat type 2 diabetes.  It sounded promising except for the part where the side-effects can be much worse than the the illness.  I mean really, I take a drug to help me not have pancreatitis and not have to go on dialysis for kidney failure and those are two of the possible side-effects!

I saw an advertisement today that stated “Too many people are counting calories and not counting chemicals.”  How true is this!  We seek so hard to maintain a good weight and body type that we ingest hundreds of chemicals that can kill us – slowly, but still…

I read about cleansing our bodies (doing an internal cleansing) because we are bombarded by thousands of pollutants weekly.  So the air we breathe, the crops we eat, the milk we drink, the water we take in, the soaps we use – all of these can have contaminants that ravage our bodies and kill us slowly…

Is it just me or does it seem to you that our world, our sciences, our governments, our very selves are working overtime to kill us slowly?  I mean, with all the problems, all the poisons, all the global events, all the global warming, the food shortage, the water impurities, the splinter groups, the big pharma, the advertisers, the sweat shops, the new viruses, the dumping of chemicals, the image of the perfect woman-man-child-family is it any wonder that we are nearly all suffering from illnesses without and within that are killing us slowly, but without pause?

I did not set out to write a downer post.  I set out by writing from a couple of things I noticed today and just decided to keep writing.  I didn’t come up with a title until about the third or fourth paragraph in.  But, it really is as I see it – we are killing each other and ourselves.

You don’t think you are a part of it?  Let’s keep going a moment.  How many parents push their children into sports, into career fields, into families, into lifestyles?

How many of us expect our friends to be a certain way, act a certain way, do things a certain way?  How many of those ways are nothing really more than excuses to make them fit into our own little world instead of working out a way for all of us to fit together into a newer and better world?

How many of us ram commercials and needs and ways of being into and onto other family members so that our own way of doing things or of buying things will not appear to be too much or cut us short by not having enough?

And finally, how many of us say or do things purely to make ourselves count to someone else or to appease someone or some figurehead?  How many of us are acting in a manner that is consistent with an idea we think has to be upheld instead of insisting what we truly know is right is upheld?

Tired yet?  I am.  All of this has been building up in me and I really didn’t realize it.  Yet, today, I found myself yelling at cars again.  Yelling because the drivers did something that simply made me angry.  They didn’t really break my three rules of :  1) Don’t hurt me, 2) Don’t scare me, 3) Don’t slow me down.  I am usually very content if you keep those three rules.  I am even okay most of the time if another driver stretches those rules a bit because I am not upset and not in a hurry.

So, I find myself upset, angry, and venting a bit.  Is it my dad being in a nursing home and probably never coming out?  Is it that my life since my stroke has been tough and always changing?  Is it that my mom and my sister are scared and worried because the man who has always been in their corner just isn’t up to it now?  Is it that I no longer sleep well and have spent the last couple of months doing more mental and even physical work than I had gotten used to doing since my stroke incident 5 1/2 years ago?


I have been s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-d nearly to my breaking point and, other than you dear readers, I have had no one I trusted enough to vent to.

So, now I have vented.  Now, I have spoken truths I have kept to myself.  Now, I have purged a bit…done a cleansing…freed my mind.  Has it served a purpose?

I don’t know…

What I do know is I have passed on information I really wanted you to know.  And, now, I have realized, other than that, none of it is my responsibility.  You have my information.  You have the ability to think.  You have me to question…the rest is all up to you.  Decide or don’t.  I finally see that all I can do here is report.

I love you all.



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  • rogershipp  On October 20, 2015 at 4:45 pm

    When I get the “black cloud” that seems to overtake life… I try to get so alone time- or call a friend- and we agre to begin telling each other about all the things in life for which we are blessed. Sometimes the list has to start with very small – seemingly inconsequential things. But I always seem lifted afterwards.

    Liked by 1 person

  • Indira  On October 20, 2015 at 8:26 am

    ‘The world inside our heads comprise the biggest part of our lives.’ So true. Mostly people are angry or depressed because they think they are not getting what they deserve. They do something in anticipation and when do not get that become sad and depressed. They forget that they are also not giving other what is due to them. Once we accept that people are like this only and anticipate less then life becomes a little easy. We get angry when we are unable to do what we want to to our near and dear ones. Venting out ones feeling always helps to calm the mind.

    Liked by 1 person

  • susielindau  On October 17, 2015 at 12:19 am

    You need to play that song, Don’t worry, be happy!

    Liked by 1 person

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Philosophy is all about being curious, asking basic questions. And it can be fun!

North Noir


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