Ah, Those were the Days, My Friend…

If you have read much of me over the 10 years I have been blogging, you probably know I enjoy watching AGT, BGT, The Voice, and other similar shows.  I watch them on Youtube so I get to watch what I want when I want.  Facebookers know well I stay up late and a link given at 2am is nothing new to me.

My favorites are varied, but one kinda stands out: the female soloists and a few other solos and duets.  I have shared most of them on here, but spread out through many posts.  If you have really paid attention to those posts, you might know I also shed a few tears off and on.  They are, a lot of them, expected tears – the female who is so very shy or very young, scared to death or believing herself to be undeserving of praise or fame who just blows them all away.

But, there are others that hit me and I can’t always figure out, specifically, why.  I got an inkling today.  I am in a somber mood; my heart is open and my emotions are kinda strong while my body is tired and my mind just on slow forward.  I watched a couple and started thinking about my life and me.  When I was in school, I was not a basketball jock or a baseball dream or a wrestling tiger.  I was shy, much more shy than now, and I could think, make friends, do well in school, and … sing.  I was not the best singer in the school, but I was up there.  I never got a first at solo choir contest, but I did get 2 third places and a 2nd place.  My shyness is what held me back.  I did go to Indiana State Choir as an alternate and spent 4 weeks in Europe with a choir/orchestra group singing to over 10 different countries.  But, I was in a group.  I could hold back and hide.

Now, my stroke did change me.  I am no longer shy.  I will speak my mind and if people don’t like it, then they shouldn’t listen.  I write more, not afraid of being seen nor read nor critiqued.

What I thought about today after those couple of auditions on Youtube was if I had been like I am now (minus the balance and vision issues – oh and the memory thing), what would I have done differently?  I believe all things are perfect and it was fine it went as it did, but what if…

Well, I think I might have spoken up, taken a different route, and ended up very differently than now.  I think I might have gone into the public speaking arena, written some good (really good) novels, and succeeded where I didn’t in this timeline.

It’s not regret, just whimsical wondering.  I don’t dislike this life, the one I have, or how it went.  I see how everything, things I liked and didn’t, came together and gave me gifts I would never have had without those failings, mistakes, and directions.  I might never had written a blog post (something to do) as something to allow me to write and have others read it.  I would  not have progressed that blog to now, when I am not afraid to say everything (and I have!).  And, I might not have had my children (whom I adore) or the friendship of everyone on here who knows me so well.

Thanks to you, my friends and blogmates, you have gifted me a part of your lives and allowed me to share, unafraid, a part of mine.

Namaste,

Scott