Tag Archives: acceptance

Preferences are not Always Understandable by Others

I made my comments the other day that I do like broccoli and I don’t like steak.  My father looked at me and said, “I must have raised you wrong.” or something close to that.

I was reading Madison Woods’ post for today > the post < and the idea intrigued me enough that I decided that I would give her credit, then post my own thoughts on a similar topic.

My father’s inability to accept my preferences as okay seem to be in a kinship with a lot of other people.  I know a lot of individuals who cannot accept something that is different from what they like.  It’s worse if what they like is not normal and they still cannot accept yours as valid.

Food preferences are small potatoes (sorry, had to) when it comes to importance.  However, they illustrate well a point that covers everything from sexual preferences to political maneuvers to appearance.  If 90% of the world enjoys McDonald’s hamburgers and you much more prefer Arby’s, to the point that you think that the majority are strange, it is nearly understandable.  However, if I don’t care for McDonald’s or Arby’s ,but, instead,prefer a hot dog from Dairy Queen and you find that horrible too, how does that make you look?  That’s what I see a lot of in this old world and its people.

I have a friend who cannot understand my preference to date women who are younger than me.  Now, I have gone over a lot of this in my head and I believe I understand the reasoning I have.  Some of that reasoning is based on a simple what I find attractive; other parts are more complex and my interest in psychology tells me I may be a bit arrested on a particular stage of my life.  Whatever the reason, I am seeing quite a bit of change in how I feel now and who I prefer just on the note of age.  I have, I believe, moved past that part of me that was, perhaps, unwilling to grow older.  I have, I know, seen that younger women are, normally, less mature and not willing to look at life as I do.  Both of these psychological reasons are sound to me and have helped me to understand both myself and my growth and make adjustments accordingly.  My friend, however, is persistent on telling me that I should narrow my search to older women for the majority and ignores any progress I make on my feelings and preferences.  What it has accomplished is, basically, to persuade me to NOT change any more so that he cannot feel that he has “won.”  And I have found it irritating that I cannot allow myself to change as I see fit for the reasons I see fit.

This world is made up of individuals who do not believe the same way or prefer the same things.  That has created a world of vast opportunities as well as differences.  If we all liked the same food, there would be only one type of restaurant; if we all liked the same clothes, we would only have one type of store for clothing.  The fact is that there are almost as many different restaurants as there are foods.  When I was much younger, going to Burger Chef (which I don’t believe even exists anymore) was a real treat.  Now, fast foods are quickly falling behind to restaurants with a wider, healthier menu.  Clothing is going through a similar process as are books and other items we all enjoy to one degree or another.  When I look at how many stations are available now on cable and satellite, it scares me just a bit.  The size of the book of channel listings for satellite TV covering a month is a little intimidating to say the least.

As usual, I am digressing.  I tend to expand my point to other topics then to take off on those topics a bit.  Getting back, I have tried to figure out why people get upset when someone doesn’t care much for their particular likes and/or dislikes.  I believe I have concluded it to be a matter of feeling secure.  If I like something and you don’t, it may worry me that you may be liked more than me or that I am wrong and my choice is a poor one.  From this point, it makes sense that you would feel a little threatened by my choice not agreeing with yours.  People could see a difference as something that others would notice and not like you for, or some people might think that others would see your preference and think I am the same because we are friends.  I think this reason happens a lot in families.   One member is a little “different” and the others feel they may be compared to this member.  It does happen, but should we worry about that?

Do I have a right to my opinion, even if it differs from yours?

Are you threatened if someone doesn’t believe as you do?

How often do you choose your preference based on what someone else says or does?

And, finally, do you think two people can get along or even date or marry if they have a lot of different preferences?

Namaste,

Scott

Comment become Post

This post is a comment that I made on Alienhippy’s post here ->Post<–.  If you will, read her post, then my comment.  It took a lot out of me to write and share this.

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The biggest thing wrong with a lot of people is simply the attitude they take when someone/thing is a bit different than they are.  If this happens, they get nervous; it bothers them and they, usually, respond with anger, violence, shock, denial, or all of the above.

I am a bit different, but most of that is because I was treated with anger, violence, shock, denial, or any or all of the above because I was seen as different.  My biggest difference was simply that I cared about people and things that many others didn’t.  I did not react as a “male” is supposed to.

I am grown now and I understand that how I react now is (was) more passionate, more wonderful, and healthier for me than keeping it bottled up certainly was.  It took a stroke for me and near-death to come to the point of saying, “You all are not right” referring to those who delivered (and some still do) the hate, worry, disgust they were taught to show at people who are loving, kind, and do not quite fit their idea of who I should be.

I try to love everyone.  In that, I succeed; I try to like everyone; in that, I often fail.  Don’t give up; don’t let them hurt you in any way.  You are more like the person I would enjoy being around than many of those so-called “normal” people; I don’t fit there all the time either.  Might be part of the reason I am not married or in a serious relationship.  I think, sometimes, too much.  I can’t let some things go and I know how I will feel if it goes on for a length of time.  It doesn’t work, so I let it go.

I am not alone, as God is always with me, but it would be nice to have others feel as I do and share with me as I would like to share with them.  I don’t worry anymore; I understand that I am, most likely, better off waiting, even if that wait is forever.  I do know how you feel.  I do care about how you feel.  I have been feeling down lately.  Not depression, just that down feeling you can get when you really think things through and it all starts to make sense and that sense is not what you hoped for.

This comment is long enough and important enough that I am going to make it a post and link your post to it.  People need to read and understand and begin to see that “normal” is a wide variation and range and not just a sliver of “perfection”.

In order to fully love and understand, you have to open up and let those others in a bit.  I am talking to those “normal” people who shut the others out.  They, me, need you all to accept just a bit more and be willing to listen and receive our thoughts, words, deeds.

Perhaps, the horrible deeds, the dark things that happen in this world are brought to perfection by God who instills within us words of comfort and solace and shows that we can come together over horrible things and our grief.  Perhaps, it is also to show us that we can start here, but that, eventually, we need this same connection with the good times, and then, with the “normal” times.

To you, Alienhippy, I want to say my heart is with you and I understand “differences” and still want to share with you and Sam and all the others who feels distanced by the ones who want/try to shut us out.  Smile, we are “normal” because all people are unique – we are too.
Namaste,
Scott

Looking for You

https://i0.wp.com/www.ecopop.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/BeingYou.jpg

Here is a link for you to go to and read.  It’s a great post/article.  I got a lot from it.  Read it then finish my post.

Rules for Being You

Today has been a rough day for me.  My new girlfriend (I had just gotten used to that term again) and I broke up.  I am not going to go into great detail as that would simply cause friction and anger and it’s not the point of this post.  So, we will leave it at the fact that each of us are individuals, a person.  That’s important and should be held onto and nurtured.

I grew up being everyone else’s version of me.  I didn’t have a real identity, I was Clark Kent.  I was who everyone else thought I was.  Because of that, I had to be pretty flexible, passive, and understanding.  So much so that I could change my basic being at will to be either liked or wimp out if they were strong personalities.  This allowed me to survive in that people, generally, left me alone or, at least, didn’t hurt me physically.

Doing this had another effect, though:  It stifled my very being and made me weak and shallow.  All this thought down inside, but not much to my outside.

Let’s just move ahead about 30 years, past two marriages, raising children, working, and go to now.  I have come into my own.  I write; I run a decent blog; I help our local library; and I love people.  By love I mean accept, help, befriend, listen to them, and care about what’s going on in their lives.

I am a writer; I am not what I write.

I am a writer; I am not what I write.

Now, I write.  What I seem to write well is horror.  That’s not all I write, but it is what is selling for me.  That also may define me, right or wrong.  When I tell someone what I do to try and earn money, they form an opinion.  A lot of that opinion is based on how well they already knew me.  All of you on here, you have your opinions of me and they seem to be pretty good.  I have also formed mine about each one of you that I know.  It’s based on my thoughts about you and could be right or wrong.

I keep thinking of an interview I saw somewhere with Alice Cooper.  Now, I had it in my head that Alice was nuts; I felt that the man had a screw loose somewhere and it would be really scary to be around him.  So, when he walked out onto stage in a three-piece suit, sat down, and calmly began talking about himself, I nearly freaked.  They talked about the snakes in his show and his outfits and his songs.  He waved all that off and said, “That’s showmanship.”  Or something a lot like that.  His point being, that was only the him that people knew who didn’t really know him.  It’s the one that they let form in their heads based on knowledge about rock stars and people who acted crazy on stage and people who wore strange makeup.  It wasn’t him; it was who he was when he was working (acting).

I am a writer; I enjoy writing horror; I enjoy writing suspense, drama, and science fiction.  I am not really any of those.  I am a person who enjoys seeing others succeed and will sit quietly while someone hurts and shares or needs quiet time.  I am full of compassion, caring, and a hope that all people will be given a chance to love and be loved, that includes me.

What I have to remember is that article at the beginning was all about “being you” because, you see, I am all those things and I write.  Not only that but I write horror and I watch action, horror,  and suspense movies.  But, I also love “The Little Mermaid” and “Benny and Joon” and “Bicentennial Man”.  I am a complex individual.  I do have a lot of sides, but they all fit into and become me.  That’s what that article was about:  accepting yourself and loving yourself and being you.

How about you?

Do you love yourself?  Why or why not?  Is there a part of you that you do not fully accept?

Namaste,

Scott

saania2806.wordpress.com/

Philosophy is all about being curious, asking basic questions. And it can be fun!

North Noir

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