Running on Fumes

When I try to do too much, I wear myself down and then begin to do things that are…well…dumb.  I end up wasting time and losing things.  That happened today.

I began this morning far behind from working on my computer and was about 119 posts behind in reading.  I decided that, little by little, I would get them read and catch back up.  The links are all stored in my email in a folder called – wow – “New Posts”.  They are put in there automatically when I receive the email about your new post if I am following you.  I click on the link, read/comment on the post, then delete the email out of the folder.  When the folder is empty, voila, I am caught up.  Simple? huh?

Well, this morning I read a bunch of them and was pretty happy with myself, but I was rushed.  I have a lot to do by Tuesday morning and I was very tired this morning.  So, after a nap which I just had to have, I went back into my email to read a few more posts – What?!  The entire folder of “New Posts” was gone!  I checked and looked and, finally, had to come to the conclusion that I had, instead of deleting the email, I had deleted the folder.  Now, this action comes with a warning.  So, I actually did two things wrong and didn’t know about either.  What I am left with now is that I have to manually go through each of the people I follow (about 70) and read their current post and work backward until I hit a post I haven’t read.

Now, I know you are all out there saying, “Scott, you don’t have to read all of our posts.”  I know that and I probably won’t get to just by doing it this way.  I understand how wonderful you all are and that you will forgive me if I don’t get all of yours read.  But, I want to try.  I made this promise to myself and I don’t want to just let it go.  I enjoy reading all of them.  I simply mischeduled my time.  I wasted today sitting behind the computer watching a 12 part (12 min per part) minecraft tournament.  It was fun and it let me relax, so I will amend my statement to:  I spent today doing other things and than cleaning and cooking and reading posts.  That’s not necessarily a bad thing for me.

I keep thinking that, because I don’t work, I have so much more time than others who do.  Truth is I forget that the reason I don’t work is that I had a major stroke.  I fatigue so much easier and take so much longer to do things that I, in essence, have no more time than the rest of you, so I do get rushed – it’s just in a slower fashion.

I feel that stress now and, since I do, I am going to slow down.  I am going to do what I can and no more.  I have gotten to the point that I do understand that rushing in my case is very dangerous.  It can cause me to have another stroke, something I am not doing.

So, please don’t feel bad or whatever about all this.  I feel it is God showing me that it is time to stop and think.  So, I am stopping and thinking.  I wish I could take the time though to tell each one of you what you have shown me through your blog posts, your comments, and just the way you present yourselves.  It is such a beautiful world out there with you all in it.  I do simply wish I had the money to come see each of you for a couple of days and shared life and thoughts and then do posts on those sharings – wow! that would be so wonderful!!!

So, the thought I will leave you with is to slow down yourselves, take breaks, smile, enjoy this journey because, as my son says, you won’t get out of it alive.  This is the time; this is the place; this is the way you need to be to enjoy it all.  Don’t wait – it doesn’t come – it is already here.

Namaste,

Scott

The View from the Mountaintop

English: Caraiman Cross on Bucegi mountaintop. Secondary view, Busteni city in Prahova Valley. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

So, you are sitting on top of a mountain and looking all around at the world. What do you notice? Me? I notice how flippin’ high I am! But that is me. Yes, that is, certainly, me.

For most of us, we notice all the beautiful land lying out below us. You can see the grassy meadows, the forests, the rivers, everything just laid out under you.

Do you understand what you are truly looking at? Let me give you a second to think. Now, have you figured out what you are looking at yet?

I doubt you get this. It would be a little against human nature for you to see this truth. Give up? Okay, what you are seeing is the valley.

Mountaintop view looking north from 18.21512N, 66.21719W (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Here you are standing on top of a mountain, most people’s dream, to be on the mountaintop. And, you are thinking what a gorgeous valley is down there. That same valley that 99% of the people (probably you, too, in reality) are in and just dying to get out of and go…where? Well to the mountaintop, of course.

As humans, we seem to constantly be dissatisfied with where we are, wherever that is, and want to be somewhere else. People in the heat often want to be in the cold. People who are around snow the entire time wish they were on the beach while those on the beach may long for the forests. It is a never-ending circle of “I wish”.

This is not really a “hey, be satisfied with where you are” type of thing. Really, wanting to change and improve your life is your business and is, probably, good for you.

change (Photo credit: Sean MacEntee)

What is really important here is to see things for what they are, opportunities. God, my word for the entity in charge, has led you to a set of circumstances. He is now allowing you to chose (again) so that the next thing can happen.

I don’t believe at any point, does God go, “Well, I am done with you. You have messed it up too much this time.” If He did, I would be dead.

Think for a minute. I am in pain 24/7 at about a level 2-6. I am on about 5-8 medications (10 if you count supplements to help me). My diet is horribly restricted. I have a heck of a time walking without a cane and not always pleasant with one. I can’t hold a regular job. I don’t sleep well at all, and I see double.  But, life is wonderful!

Iconic screen shot from the movie It’s a Wonderful Life. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Yet, that is my mountaintop! From this position atop my peak in life, I toss out advice, humor, spiritual awareness, practical knowledge, or insane dealings to over 70 (76 at last count) countries every day. I receive comments from different people around the world and consider myself to have friends from, at least, a dozen countries; people I would love to meet and have a meal/chat with. I do work from home (just not hugely profitable yet in the money field). I am a writer, something I have always wanted to be. I am even, now, a published writer. It feels good to say that. And, I have a following of people who look forward to hearing from me each day.

I have friends here as well as family. I do get out; I do things. I own my home; I take care of myself. Yes, this is my mountaintop. And, yes, I do look at the valley around me and wish…
but that is another blog…
Enjoy your mountaintop and your valley.

Namaste,
Scott

What’s in a Post?

Well, I did it. I was behind 43 new posts according to my email folder 3 days ago. Now, that’s 43 behind!

That doesn’t count the new ones I have had in the last 3 days!

But, at 2:50pm on Friday August 31, 2012, I was truly caught up.

I can hear some people now:

“Why didn’t you just skip a few? Why didn’t you simply skim them and click ‘like’?”

And I say back, “How could I?”

I chose to follow the 35 blogs I follow. I selected those people out of all the ones I have seen and/or read because they say something to me. I enjoy pouring over the posts each day (some days more than others, obviously, but still…).

All of these wonderful people poured out a significant part of their daily life’s time into creating something they felt necessary, for one reason or another, to include in their day’s work. I pour a good portion of my day into my post.

It would feel like wasted time if I thought people simply skimmed over my posts, clicked, “like”, and then went on without another thought. I, at least, assume that each of the “likes” I get are from people who enjoyed or thought it well-done after they read my post.

Must’ve been reading Statistics!

I don’t, for a moment, think that people pour over my posts like you would a statistics textbook or even a best-seller novel. It’s something in-between and different for each person and for each post read by that person.

There are posts I read because I enjoy being informed; others I read because I need a good laugh or, at least, a happy smile; then, there are those that bring (or almost) tears to my eyes as I see how they must feel and/or how they have to live.

I forgot the category of posts that simply make me think (or rethink) something.

I spend an average of 7-8 minutes on a post. Doesn’t sound like a long time, does it? I guess it’s not until you understand that I read about 10-15 posts a day, 7 days a week. Around two hours a day, I wrap myself up in the lives of others. So, not getting to do that for 3 days was depressing. I did it for good cause:

I was tired, I had a writing deadline to hit, and I spent part of it with other people.

The reason for this post is to let all of you out there know two things:

First, I do read your posts. Even if I don’t comment or if I forget to click “like”, I do read them. I don’t just delete them out of hand.

Second, I never assume that any of you do that to my posts. I am thankful for each comment, each “like”, and each and every view I accumulate. And I pay attention to what you write in your comments. I look at the patterns in the “stats” and try to not do something if it doesn’t go over very well after a few attempts.

All in all, I would say we make quite a team. According to my “stats” there are several hundred on my team. I really like that. Of course, that doesn’t compare to the 10-15 of you who I feel very close to now. We have been together for months each and every day (practically) and you are, indeed, special to me. I have shared with you things that I haven’t really even talked to my family about.

You listen and, more importantly, some of you get it, get me. It’s a big world out there and it’s nice to know that there are some who, not only get me, but that I can be a small part of your world for 7-8 minutes a day or, at least, think about you reading the post I created for that day.

You are special.

_
Namaste,
Scott

Life is, indeed, Short

I just finished reading the blog on “Everyday Asperger’s“.  I follow it and it is a good one, in my opinion. Samantha has already become someone I know and understand, though we have never, actually met. Her post, today, dealt with a small piece she had written awhile ago and decided to share it with us. That small peek into her past, what she thought, how she felt, and what was really going on, gripped me nearly immediately and held on.

I love to write. Since resigning my teaching position, I have found that I do have some time to pursue my writing. Dad’s bout here in the hospital has slowed, but not stopped, that. There is a huge online market out there for writing, from free to paid to Stephen King land.

In a small way, I am published. I am, at least, shown online in 5 small (100 word each) short, horror stories at http://www.microhorror.com as Scott L Vannatter (in the author’s search). I enjoy that.

That brings me to today’s point: enjoying your life. I have spoken to a lot of people about their jobs, their lives, and their loves. I did have one person who did not answer my question when I asked him if he enjoyed his job. “It’s a job,” he answered. I pushed the inquiry and he, basically, said, “no”. That statement has helped shape my life. That and an article I read that spoke of how much time you spend at work or doing work things.

Think about it: 40 hours at the job, about 7 traveling, 7 dressing, 2 undressing, and a bit of it thinking. Not to mention, the sleep you lose or have to get because of the job. That’s 56 hours plus sleep/no sleep time. Most people are awake 16 hours a day. That’s 112 a week minus the 56 equals 56 hours, at most, left to enjoy and 32 of those are on your 2 days off!

I know we have to make money to survive. I worked long and hard most of my life for not nearly enough. When I wasn’t skimming by, I wasn’t enjoying my work.

My teaching was the first work I loved. That’s done now, but I get to say that I did what I loved for 5 years and the 6th was tough but rewarding. I rambled, but the point is, if you are not loving your job, if you drop into bed each and every night just to get up and go to the same job, if you have little to show for the job (especially something for/with your family), you are destroying yourself for something that will pass someday (maybe sooner than you think, like me) and you will, then, have to make a decision that you can spend time on now.

Think about it as life points, not money, not retirement, but now as life points. Do what it takes to enjoy this wonderful part of your life known as pre-retirement.

Namaste,

Scott

Monday, Monday…Can’t Take that Day….(music)

It’s Monday and, it used to be, that Mondays were hated by me in that I had, like most others, to get up to work and start that nasty work week. I remember always thinking “what a way to spend 1/7 of your life”.

Now, I realize that, on Tuesdays, I complained about being tired from Monday.
Wednesday, the week was only 1/2 done.
Thursday, everyone was tired and worn out with only 1 day left,
and Friday/Saturday were too short to get it all done.

What an attitude (however, I did learn it from a lot of people around me).
Since my stroke, I usually wake up thinking “Wow, I am awake! I get to start another day alive.”  It makes me a bit more happy to do whatever is in store for me.

I still try to apply a general work week to my schedule. Monday-Friday I try to get up about 9, eat and get things going by 10, work til 1, lunch and relax until 2, then work from 2-5 or 6, eat, then have the evening to myself.

The difference is that I enjoy each day and if something messes up the work schedule, I try to simply flow with it. I put down cleaning as work, groceries as work, writing as work, even this blog as work. That way, I can change my day around a lot.

You can do the same, no matter what you do for a living. Even in a factory where you do the same thing over and over, you can group it into sets of 10,20, 50, 100, whatever. Each time you finish a group, at least, give yourself a pat on the back if you can’t take 1 minute to relax. Use your breaks, they are time for you. Don’t do your usual work during breaks, don’t make yourself do anything but enjoy them; otherwise, you come back to the job even more tired than you were.

The one that seems to stick a lot of people is the “I hate my job.” Well, there’s two trains of thought:

First, I got to where I didn’t like my job (my life) or enough of it to cause me to quit (not stroke).   Not my teaching, this would have been back when I was in computers.  When you reach the point of giving up, find something else; I know this is a rough economy, but look, and with enthusiasm. The PC makes looking a whole different ballgame. My! I realized not too long ago that, if I chose, I am disabled, not hooked to a job and could move ANYWHERE. I doubt that I do, but it’s a perk of being disabled.

Second, if changing/moving are really not options, then change what you do or, at least, how you do or approach what you do.  Change your work center a bit: a little color or humor.  Change your attitude.  Make yourself smile and say something nice or humorous when you don’t feel like it.  You might be surprised at how differently you will feel over time.  Changing even the order of a couple of things can make your whole day different.

Finally, at least, or should I say always, take 10 minutes when you get home, even if you are still in the car, to breathe easy, relax, and put the day behind you.  Coming home at full steam is seldom good.

Read “Do What You Love and the Money Will Follow” – excellent book. At least, take the concept to heart. Enjoy your Monday; couldn’t hurt.

Namaste
Scott