8 Reasons to “Hit the Road”

8 Reasons to “Hit the Road” – Another A Guide to Internet Dating

Source: Google search with “rights to reuse” Click pic for page

I have been spending a little time on the net dating sites most nights for a long time. I have gone from hours of research daily and writing pages of letters to browsing for a bit and writing to a couple of new friends. Why the big change? I think it is because I am finally learning how to “hit the road” without all that pain and suffering much more quickly. I have learned to stack the potential date up against my fairly firm list of “Reasons to Run.” I decided to share those with you. Granted, they are tailored mostly for a male, however, with a bit of touch up, women could use this list, too.

1)      Make the initial search match your needs and desires. Internet dating may allow you to view thousands of women, but, come on, if you can reasonably cut that down to a few dozen in your initial search, great for you. Consider a decent age range, kids or no kids, smoking or no, and other simple parameters that will chop four hours a night down to twenty minutes to an hour, or less.

2)      What’s the main theme in her profile? The title may tell you most of it: “Looking for a man who loves to travel” is only good if you love to travel. “Need a casino partner” only fits if you love to gamble. Don’t jump on the wagon for someone who wants to do something you hate.

3)      Check the pets. Do you like pets? How many? I once dated someone who had 2 cats and a dog. I cared enough to be okay with that (all inside animals). When that changed to 2 cats and 4 dogs, all inside, things were just not for me. Granted, this was after dating awhile, however, if the picture of your next beloved has a multitude of animals hanging on her or her title is “Want to start a zoo?” perhaps, she is not for you.

4)      Look for lasting commonalities. I love movies. I love reading. I enjoy mostly quiet evenings. So, a woman who hates films or who thinks a book is best for holding open doors or one who needs to be on the move constantly is, most likely, not for me. Don’t think about how much fun the first few weeks might be, think of the long-term idea of dealing with such differences for years.

5)      Give the picture an honest look. Appearances are not everything. I know that. What I am saying is this: if the picture is fuzzy or she is so small in it that you need a magnifying lens to see her, she did not take putting her best photo out there very seriously. If she feels that way about her profile, do you need to be tying up all of your time with her? Those are okay for 2^nd, 3^rd, or 4^th pics, but for the main profile shot? Nope.

6)      Does she tell you about herself or just qualify your right to inquire? What I mean is when you read her profile, does she tell you who she is and what she does? Does she paint a picture you can see and understand? Or does she spend most of the profile qualifying who you must be in order to even write her? I have seen profiles in which most every sentence started with “Must be…” and then told you who she wanted. Just because you meet her qualifications, certainly doesn’t mean she meets yours. What it tells me is that she mostly thinks of herself and not others.

7)      Do you have similar goals? Easy one, but often overlooked if the pic is nice and the basics fit. She could look like an angel and live where you would like, good job, and enjoy some things you do, but if her goals in life, down the road, are at odds with yours, don’t think you have to change – just don’t even go there.

8)      Get to know her. If the initial profile looks good and the seven steps above have been met, write for 2-3 times (back and forth) before meeting. You are expected to pay for the date, you are the man (I am old-fashioned, I know). Talk a bit beforehand just to see if she is really what she says and if there are some glaring problems to be decided before meeting. Nothing beats a face-to-face get-together, but if she writes you a response in which you almost have to decipher the thing to understand what she has said, chances are that profile was either written for her or she spent an eternity on it. Nothing wrong with that, but you deserve to know.

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As a guide to you and your writing, use the above 8 steps to help you create your own profile. Think of what you would want to see and read and know and put yourself out there. It’s better to not get many responses, than get only responses from the wrong people because you lied or held back. You don’t need to tell everything, but share enough for them to choose you.

I took a different track on dating sites this last time I put my profiles out there. I stuck with only 2 sites (free ones) and I told the absolute truth. I told them I am disabled. I told them about myself. I finally decided that, if they choose to show interest in me, I don’t want to get all excited about a date and have her fall apart when I walk in the restaurant or wherever with a cane. I am upfront and complete. I tell my good parts and, at least, mention the not-so-good parts. A well-informed decision on both sides, I think, will make me happier in the long run.

In closing, one bit of advice I have culled from many people and also figured out on my own: It’s better to be lonely and, perhaps, miserable than to marry the wrong person and have to live that mistake.

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Namaste,

Scott

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Who are You?

Recently, and not for the first time, I received a list of 12 things about you (me) that I identify more and more with.  Bert made a comment to me, today, about approaching the point where there were no more ethics, just limitless compassion.  I like that.  And, in accordance with that ideal, here are the 12 things and my comments on them.  I hope you like and identify with several, if not all.

Scott Westerfeld, I believe, wrote “Uglies”, a wonderful book admiring imperfection.

(Image from http://cupcakesniper.blogspot.com/2009/12/operation-beautiful.html)

1. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way..

if you think about this, there are many different types of love.  My Mom and Dad love me, so does my sister.  But, my best friend does too.  I love myself.  There are people here in this blog world that I love, so I can also imagine that they could love me, too.  It doesn’t have to be romantic or even a, “I would do anything for you” type of love.  Love can be very simple and light-hearted.

2. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don’t like you.

Did you ever think about the power of a smile?  I often meet people’s eyes in stores and out walking and give them a big smile.  They, usually, smile in return.  Sometimes, they even stare.  I assume it’s because they can’t understand why I am smiling.  I feel confident that it brightens their day; I know it does mine.

3. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.

My mother and my sister both tell me that they pray about me every night.  That makes two.  My aunt told me that she does, too.  I don’t know if I count, but I think about myself each night before going to sleep.

4. You mean the world to someone.

When I was in high school (I didn’t find this out until much later), there was a girl who admired me greatly and never told me so.  I don’t know about romance, but she looked upon me as a role model and thought the world of me.  It unnerved me when I found out, because someone was paying attention to me and I didn’t have any idea.  After that, I realized and tried harder to watch how I acted around others and the type of impression I might make.

5. If not for you, someone may not be living.

I dated a young woman years ago.  She was bent on killing herself in a few years.  She told me she was waiting because she made a promise to someone that she would, at least, wait until a certain age.  We broke up because I told her I couldn’t live under the pressure that someone I cared for might kill herself like that.  I didn’t want to fall in love with someone who was planning to go away so soon.  After we broke up, I called her.  She was much happier.  She said she had thought about what I had said and decided to try counseling.  She was doing well and was on anti-depressants.  I think she qualifies as my one.

6. You are special and unique.

This should go without saying for me.  It is at the center of my entire belief system.  I told this to my children every day for about five years.

7. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won’t get it, but if you trust God to do what’s best, and wait on His time, sooner or later, you will get it or something better.

This is even more central.  Restated:  “All things work out in the end.  If it hasn’t worked out, it isn’t the end.”  My mantra for life.  God may not always give me what I ask for, but He knows best.  Whatever I get is what I truly need.  It doesn’t mean not to ask; it simply means to accept.

8. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good can still come from it.

See number 7 above.  It’s just a natural result of 7.  If you trust that all things work out, then, mistake or not, it will all be fine – so, quit worrying and just live.

9. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.

Most of the time, when you think all is lost, it is merely that you are giving up for the time being.  Turn yourself around and realize that God (the world) never turns His back on you.  He will always be with you, watch out for you, and give you what you truly need.

10. Someone that you don’t even know exists loves you.

I can believe this for one big reason:  there are some women out there who I truly believe I could (perhaps, do) love and they have no idea I feel that way.  There is a book entitled “The Dance” by Oriah Mountain Dreamer.  I read that book and fell head over heels in love with her just from her writing about her life.  I even wrote a letter to her telling her this, but never mailed it.  She had no idea I was even alive, so yes, it happens.

11. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.

There will always be someone who wants to rain on your parade.  When I think about poor Amanda Todd, I know that she remembered the rude remarks.  There were compliments, even if she didn’t pay attention to them.

12. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know and you’ll both be happy.

This is something I am learning to do now.  Since the stroke I am more prone to tell people things and be truthful about it.  If I am a little upset, it helps me to tell them and it, eventually, helps them to know.  If I care a lot about them, I need to share that, too.  They may feel the same or may like me more when they know.  Since I don’t hate anyone at all, I shouldn’t have to deal with that part.

There you are; 12 things that center my being and make my world a good place to be.

How about you?  What things really make your world worth it?

What makes you happy to get up each morning?

At least, know this:  I love each of you and hope your day is beautiful.

Namaste,

Scott

The Secret

Today has been a(nother) life-changing day!  I have to give thanks to the universe (to God) who brought me Mollie Player some time ago.  He knew I would need her blog and her friendship to reach out again when it finally hit me.  Once again, my life will never be the same and I am happy for that ability; the ability to change my life; the ability to love and to live.

I read Mollie’s blog consistently.  I ascribe to her love of the “law of attraction”.  I understand it; however, what I didn’t know was that I still had a lot to learn about it, about life, about joy.  A post today on shyness had me thinking.  This train of thought led back to the book Mollie constantly talks about: The Secret.

I have purchased this book; I have never read it.  Today, that familiar urge to do something struck.  I wanted to read the book; more specifically, I wanted to understand the specifics of “The Secret”.  So, I went and began looking for the book.  I, finally, decided that I had sold or given away my copy.  I did find the book “TNT The Power Within You” by Claude M. Bristol and Harold Sherman.  This was one of the first books that propelled me on to understanding the idea of attraction and how to achieve whatever you believe.  But, it was not “The Secret” and that drive was still there.

I decided that I would go on Amazon and find a good used copy and purchase it.  I hated the idea of buying it again; it seemed wasteful.  With that thought in mind, I logged into Amazon and typed “The Secret” into the search engine.  I need you to understand something so that you will see how things in this universe work.

Some time ago I was dissatisfied with my cable TV.  I don’t watch it much; I watch movies.  I, finally, decided to let it go and try something else.  I tried Hulu.com.  This worked for a time.  Then, I wanted to watch TV, so I purchased a Roku box and hooked up wireless to my TV and subscribed to Hulu-Plus.  This also worked for a time.  Hulu-Plus had difficulty with accepting my PayPal account payments.  I got frustrated (not angry) and decided to drop Hulu-Plus.  Stay with me.

Now, I decided to try Amazon Prime.  I was becoming frustrated with it because I didn’t think I would enjoy it for an entire year.  I went in to drop it and try Netflix, but didn’t.  I didn’t because it gives me free two-day shipping on many Amazon purchases and I had used it once.  That saved me about $2.99.  I decided that I would probably save the $79 / yr fee just in the shipping and have the rest as a plus.  I also had over 2 weeks left on the promotion package and decided to keep it for a bit.

Now, today.  When I logged into Amazon and typed in “The Secret” the search engine returned a find in the Amazon Prime section.  When I went there, I found that I could watch “The Secret” free right NOW through Amazon Prime.  Had I dropped it a few hours earlier, this would not have been possible.

So, I sat, right then, and watched the movie.  It was as if it had been written for me.  The movie answered all my questions and helped me understand the why of so much in my life.  I am happy; I am much better than I have ever been in my life; however, here were ideas that will transform me much farther in life than I am now.

I want you to understand how all of this had to happen in the way it did for me to get to where I am at this moment.  Mollie, I know you understand this; it will not surprise you.  But, I am understanding that while I have come from my stroke and persevered into a fantastic life, there is still more.  I have allowed my thinking about my stroke to peg me into this particular life and have stopped there.  It is a fantastic life, but it can be ever more so.  And, now that I understand more, I expect this to happen.  I know it will happen.

I will begin that change now, today.  I have been preparing for it for many years and in many ways.  It has all come to this and my thinking is clear:  I will achieve my dreams now!

Thank you, Mollie, and thank you everyone for all the support and love and friendship you have given me.  I will speak more on this as it occurs.  Life is wonderful!!!

Namaste,

Scott

You Have Got to Know (So I am Gonna Tell You)

I have been frazzled today.

I finally (Thanks) decided to name him Hugsiey Tumbles.

I tell you that so you will know that I am not one of the “life is always wonderful” people.

There is a huge difference between “life is always wonderful” and “everything works out in the end”.

The person who is always saying “Life is always wonderful” is, most likely, in denial. They are not seeing what is out there and are not willing to admit things can be bad. I may make a few enemies here, but I include the “It’s God‘s Will” people here, too.

I have seen too many people use the comment “It’s God’s Will” or “If It’s God’s Will” to allow them to explain away anything bad. It’s a type of denial, in my opinion, because I truly don’t think God has worked out a plan in which it is predetermined that you have to suffer and be miserable and things just go to heck. It just doesn’t make sense.

Quit telling me that it was God’s Will that my grandmother die or that I had my stroke. I believe God gave us choices and consequences come of those choices. Then, God uses our choices to help give us other choices.

Do I think God is always trying in everything to help us in life? Yes.

Do I think God prearranged all these things? No.

I think God works with us through our free will to “nudge” us toward that beautiful life we could be having.  We make the choices; God gives us more choices; some of those choices are tough and we may have to go through some rough spots because it finally got to the point that we were not following the easier path.

It makes sense to me, but I am never quite sure if I am explaining it right.

I had the stroke because I kept choosing to eat wrong and be stressed out.  There were a lot of ways for me to avoid that stroke path, but, finally, it had to happen; I didn’t give it any other choice.

The way I see it, God allowed me to live and still showed me the wonderfulness that life can offer even in my circumstances.  I, finally, chose to begin following the better path (maybe not the best one, yet) and then things could start to smooth out.  Notice I said, “start”.  I have a long way to go and still have a lot of choices to make.

But, I digress.  The other side of the “Life is always wonderful” coin is the “everything works out in the end.”  I think I just explained all of that.

That is me, and my day (look, full circle) was Frazzled!

In brief, I took Dad to Dialysis.  That is a 6 hour trip from start to finish.  We do it three times a week.  For Mom and me it is getting Dad there, waiting 2 hours, then lunch, then either going somewhere for an errand, or coming back for another 1 1/2 hours until he is finished.  Then, hurry home so Dad can get settled in and eat, and I can get home and do whatever by 4:00pm.

That wasn’t the frazzled part; that was just how the day started.

I was tired;  I didn’t take the best way to the dialysis clinic;

I got home and “remembered” (thanks to an email ad) that it was election day;

I drove in a hurry to the library to vote (two main streets were closed);

I went to the grocery; then ate just before my buddy called me to “go eat”; I went to “eat” (low, low carbs) with him so we could talk;

I dropped my blood pressure pill on the floor and couldn’t find it, right after spilling coffee while trying to “wipe up a smaller spill”;

I decided to go to grocery after all;

I was nervous and anxious by the time I got home, then realized all the online work I needed to do for blogging and Amazon and “things”.

So, I was frazzled. (I also left out the part where I had this post 1/3 done and accidentally “deleted” it)

Okay, all that, just to help you to see that “everything works out in the end” does not mean “everything works out today”.

You still have to live in the moment, but keep an eye on tomorrow.  What does help me is that, if I will keep that eye on tomorrow and remember the working out part, I can make it through today and, usually, calm myself down (which I have now done).  Because, you never know what is really going on…

You need to look at tomorrow and know that it will all work out, so that you can work through today without having to live in denial.

I love you all…

Namaste,

Scott

Today was a Special Day

Today was special!

Olive Garden is a registered trademark for the Olive Garden Restaurants

It was a day to be remembered. I got up this morning and did my usual morning things. Then, about 11:30AM, I drove about 60 miles (that’s special right there! for me) to Greenwood, IN and met a woman for lunch. She and I met as friends and talked for almost 2 hours over a nice meal.

A Meal Indeed!

I enjoyed it immensely. But, even that, was not why this day was special. I didn’t consciously remember it when I planned the meal, but we had it at Olive Garden in Greenwood on May 7, 2012.

This is special because at this particular Olive Garden in Greenwood on May 7, 2010, I had my stroke.

That’s right! This turned out to be an anniversary lunch!

I told her about it and, of course, it surprised her, but, as the meal went on, I even forgot the significance. That’s the nice things about friends: they can help you move through places to a different place in your mind.

I guess, today, I simply wanted you to remember someplace and sometime when you had reason to worry or be sad or even scared and, now, friends have helped you through that time and into a happier place.

I am so glad for all my friends. And, this blog, this special place, has made me even more good, special friends. I wonder if you out there, and there are more and more of you, know just how great you make me feel every time you visit my site and every time you post a comment? It is almost surreal, at times, and I never want any of you to forget that.

YOU ARE SPECIAL – TO ME and, I know, to someone else – never forget that!
Namaste,
Scott