Tag Archives: heart

A Sad Start to the Day – Monday July 25, 2016

I was playing my video game, Fallout 4, around 1:30AM and my phone rang.  Sis, very sad and upset, called to tell me that Dad had passed away at the hospital.  He was there to have his heart checked following some pain.  The stress test had told them his heart was working at about 80%, pretty good.  We had visited Sunday afternoon and had all gone home.  He was talking to Mom on the phone and had to hang up because his shoulder hurt.  He began having pains in his groin.  The doctor called for a scan of the area, then left, telling them to call when the scan had completed and was ready.  Dad coded about 15 minutes later and his heart stopped.  They were unable to revive him.

Mom is hurting badly.  She misses him very much.  The nursing home tells me they will miss him as well.  He was well-liked.  He told jokes constantly, pulled little pranks, and was in the process of finishing up a book he was authoring on the computer – a western tale.  I have promised myself I will finish it, edit it, then publish it on Kindle.

I don’t know how I feel just yet.  I know that can take time.  I haven’t cried yet – that will come at some point; I know that.  We played about 15 games of chess a week.  I had noticed he was having more and more problems playing, but he still didn’t lose them all.

He was a good father.  He and I had our times throughout my life – that is pretty normal for father/son, I am told.  At the end, we loved each other and got along well.  I am happy to have visited him so much at the nursing home.

Life will be so different now; I just don’t know how it will be.

Everyone says it; I will too:   “Love your parents – you just never know…”



Today is What?! Well, I’ll Be…

Yup, I am told that today is Valentine’s Day.  Actually, I was told that by a nurse at the home Dad is in.  She told me it was 12:01 and so was Valentine’s Day.

This has been a week full of trepidation.  Going from dropping my pills on the kitchen floor 3 days in a row to tossing my backpack into the car only to see/hear that the top was unzipped and things went flying (was about 4 Degrees F and the car had not been warmed up, too).

So, you will have to forgive me if I approach the mating day with little enthusiasm.  It doesn’t help that, like always, the vast majority of my inquiries into possible dates (otherwise known as “Dating Sites”) have produced the usual “unread, deleted”.  I get a lot of visitors to my sites, but no catches.

All for the best I tell myself.  God watches out for me and I have no idea how many psychos I may have missed through the good ol’ Unread, delete button.

Still, it would have been nice to have eaten a nice meal, watched a nice film, and, perhaps, had a nice kiss goodnight.

That always reminds me of my psych prof at college who told us very matter-of-factly:  Prostitution is indeed legal in the United States.  It is called dating.  Where else could you spend $50 on flowers, $80 on a meal, and $30 on a movie and hope for a “good night” kiss.  In these other countries, you spend $100 and have a sure thing.

  • Not a direct quote, but the idea was the same –

I suppose a bit of my problem comes from not really knowing what I truly want.  Really don’t think I want to get remarried, but not ruling it out.  Have always leaned toward a younger woman, but married ones my age (hmm, and two divorces…perhaps…well, I will dwell on that idea later!).  Anyway, when I am undecided, I probably send out undecided waves to others.  Lol – that sounded kinda lame, even just reading it back over!

The point to this rambling! … don’t really have one.  Just thought that since I am just staying home saving money on Valentine’s Day, I would spout off about it…

Have a wonderful day.  If you ARE with someone you really care for, treat him/her well.  And make sure he/she is doing the same to you – you all deserve the best.

Namaste,  Love,


Beauty lies within yourself

The only impossible journey in life is you never begin!! ~Tanvir Kaur


Philosophy is all about being curious, asking basic questions. And it can be fun!

North Noir


carly books

I read lots of books, from mythology retellings to literary fiction and I love to reread books from childhood, this is a place to voice my thoughts for fun. I also like to ramble about things such as art or nature every now and again.



The Grief Reality

Normalising the conversation about Grief.

meditations on home, belonging & all things literary

We are all Kindred Spirits; connected in Life


The website where movies count

A Poet's Vision

"kindness is healing, writer & poet of sorts, "

%d bloggers like this: