Tag Archives: honesty

Spring is Here…Love is in …. heck it ain’t here!

 

I have mentioned before that I am on a couple of dating sites.  I have been talking to this lady since early last week.  In the first conversation, I wrote.  She wrote back, interested, then I didn’t hear from her again.  I wrote back making sure she was okay.  She had met a guy and thought it was gonna be someone she wanted to try with.  That’s fine.  I always want people to be happy.  I told her good luck and if it didn’t work out, drop me a note.  That never happens, btw.  I am not dumb.  It’s just a nice way to leave the ball in their court.  She writes back the next night, telling me he was a loser.  I asked her if she still wanted to go out.  Here is the conversation following the early pleasantries…  What I want is for all of you to read carefully and see if I was wrong or if I was being played or what…  Those of you who know me, know I would write and apologize if I was wrong…


Scott

3/19/2017 3:08:09 PM

Have eaten there – lived in @@@@@@@@ for over @@ years.
Have not been to the BBQ place.
Have eaten @@@@@ since college and 18, kinda miss it.
I do enjoy frozen shrimp, tacos, and chicken.
I worked at Pizza Hut for awhile, so do like them a lot, as well as Cracker Barrel (my fav).
Watched “50 First Dates” and really liked some of his other stuff, but I don’t like some of his movies…I love Keanu Reeves and Anything with Jessica Alba in it.
How do you feel about Thursday this week for meeting?
Scott
PS – I have a blog I write and@@@@@ is another blogger. She writes books and lives the @@@@@@@ very well.

Her

3/19/2017 7:22:25 PM

Thursday could be good…?

Scott

3/20/2017 3:28:04 PM

It sounds good to me and it is looking good on my schedule. You think about it and let me know whether you wish lunch or dinner as i don’t know your schedule. @@@@@ is fine for the meal unless you want something else.
Scott

Scott

3/20/2017 3:29:22 PM

Hmm, I don’t remember – do we need a reservation?

Her

3/21/2017 12:48:26 AM

I don’t think so…I haven’t had to make them before. Wow I had a reeeally long day at work, then went singing and stayed out WAY later than usual. I hope you had a really good day. Might want to call and see if they are open through the week for lunch, really not sure? I know they are on the weekends. I can give them a call tomorrow and find out.

Scott

3/21/2017 3:37:48 PM

That would be great or we can just go Saturday for lunch. It’s really up to you. My schedule is pretty flexible at the moment.
Let me know. Sounds like fun. Singing? Karaoke? What song(s) did you do?
Scott

Her

3/23/2017 11:43:23 AM

So today is Thurs – we could have dinner then go for some singing if you’re interested?

Scott

3/23/2017 3:34:42 PM

I didn’t’ hear from you last night and I have now made plans for tonight.
Are you up for Saturday lunch? I am fine with also going for singing, but I may just listen – been quite awhile.
Scott

Her

3/23/2017 4:21:21 PM

Oh wow, really? I was having a terrible headache yesterday, my son came over, fixed us some steaks for dinner and actually stayed until around until midnite-he never stays that late, think he was worried bout his mama..hadnt had a headache like that in @@ years or so. But you and I had plans all week, well, thought so anyway. Guess you werent THAT interested, I wish you the best. Tryna find a man who is good to his word isn’t easy, thats for sure. Good luck in all you do.

Scott

3/24/2017 12:01:06 AM

Hmm, ok, but if you look back, things were never settled…
It’s fine. I didn’t think you were all that interested either…this kind of says it all.
Not mad, just disappointed.
Good Luck to you, too.


Can’t wait to hear from you all.

Namaste,

Scott

 

Not “I’m Sorry” Again…

I’m sorry I am late!  I’m sorry I am talking so much…I AM SORRY!!!

Are you?  The comic strip below tells it like it is:

Comic about being sorry

It made me realize how much I used to say, “I am sorry.”  I felt like I was worthless, so I shouldn’t even be around others.  Slowly, I overcame a lot of that.  My stroke (more and more a blessing) tossed that out and I really no longer feel worthless or sorry about much (sometimes, that is not so good!).

I try now to live a life in which I almost always (I try for always) to tell the truth.  If you are truthful, why should you be sorry?  People don’t always want to hear the truth and I might not always know the truth, but the effort is there and I feel better because of it.

Mark Twain said, “If you tell truth you don’t have to remember anything.”  He is pretty much right there.  I don’t have to keep track of my lies because I try hard to never tell any.  There are times when that is put to the test.  However, I believe the greatest people (Jesus, Socrates…) tried to always tell the truth, so I am in good company.

But, getting back to “I’m sorry”, don’t you know people who are always apologizing.  Some almost get nothing done because they are too busy being sorry for not doing it.  It’s almost a prophecy at times.  They apologize because they “know” they won’t do it or do it well enough.

When I was teaching, I tried hard to always be honest with the students and to let them know when I appreciated whatever it was they were doing, even when they didn’t know they were doing it.  They appreciated that!  I could tell because a lot of them were just constantly told they were worthless, sometimes by adults who should have known better.  I became friends with my students – something you weren’t supposed to do as a teacher.  However, I always told them I had to be a teacher first, so they still had to behave, learn, and try.

I think most of us simply need to behave, learn, and try.  If you do those three things, truth should come easy – as should sleep.

Namaste,

Scott

 

What’s in a Word?

I have blogged before about being on a couple of dating sites.  The rough times are, usually, signing up because you have to fill out a ton of questions so they can “find a fit match” for you.  I don’t care much for their tactics.  Most of the sites don’t do much to use your info to match you up.  For instance, I put I would like someone within 50 miles of home, so why does it match me with Illinois or Michigan people?  The fact is that, in my opinion, these sites just want to be able to give you hundreds (or more) people to choose from, whether they meet your qualifications or not.

I trust it more when I set up the search and do it myself.  However, as I said, you pretty well have to do some of this work so that, when you do send a message or a “wink” or whatever, the other person can call up your profile and see who’s asking about them.

Promises made online are, sometimes, “iffy”.

Well, today, I was looking at a “match” and this particular site shows a comparison between about 20 questions you have answered as has the match.  One of the questions caught my attention more now than when I answered it.  The question was:

Do you keep your word?

Always           Mostly              Not at all

Very Important         Somewhat Important             Not Important

That may not be it exactly, but the idea is there.  The question seems simple, but the ramifications are very interesting.  For instance, to be really honest, several years ago, before teaching, I would have answered “Mostly” and “Very Important” as I almost always kept my word and it was very important to me.  What I see now is that “very important” doesn’t go well with “mostly”.  So, it’s not important all the time, just most of the time if I keep my word?  Or, is it very important that I keep my word most of the time?

When I filled it out this time, I stated that I keep my word “Always” and it is “Very Important”.  I know I have forgotten a time or two to do something.  That is my stroke.  I do forget every once in awhile.  However, my efforts are to always keep my word and it is extremely important to me that people know that.  Things have changed for me.  Since my stroke, I no longer try to mostly keep my word or, even better, “technically” keep my word.  Have you ever seen that one?  That’s when you word things in such a way that you can “almost break” your word, but “technically” you didn’t.

For instance, if you will “try” very hard to do something and then you don’t, you can say, “I tried” and not be breaking your word.  The problem is that people usually figure that out eventually and quit listening to you.  I had that happen when my children were very little.  They asked me something and I said, “Maybe.”  My son began crying.  I stopped and asked him what was wrong.  He said, “Maybe means No.”  I looked at him and began thinking back.  He was right.  Most of the time (perhaps, all) when I said “maybe” I didn’t want to argue or fight and that put them off.  I stopped and thought, then said to them both, “Tell you what.  From now on, when I tell you ‘maybe’ I will tell you what will make it happen and what will make it not happen.  Then you will know.”  They were happy and I learned a great lesson:  Keep your word.

When I started teaching school, I would make specific promises to my students.  Then, I taught them that I would honor “the letter of the law” in my words.  Most of the time, I would do that to teach them to say what they mean and to mean what they say.

For example, I had a student ask me if she could write a problem on the board.  If I couldn’t solve it, could she not do her homework that day?  I said, yes, on one condition: that then if I could give her a simple task to do and she failed it, she would do double.  She agreed and began writing a long, detailed problem on the board.  The students watched me as I didn’t even look at the problem.  Finally, she finished.  I turned, looked at the problem, and said, “No, I can’t do that one.”  She was ecstatic.  I said, “Now, wait a minute.  The deal was that I get to give you a simple task to do.”  She said, “Sure.”  The students know enough to watch and learn here (I taught them well.).  I said, “Ok, you have two minutes to put your sweater on by yourself.”

She jumped up and put her sweater on and said, “I’m done.”  I said, looking at the clock, “I said ‘two minutes’, so let’s let the clock go.”  At the end of the two minutes, I said, “You didn’t put your sweater on all by yourself; we were all here with you.”  She was a bit deflated, but took it in stride.  The rest of the class understood the lesson and we continued on.

Keeping my word to them all the time meant that if I said something and they honestly did it, I had to keep my word.  I seldom got caught up in that, but it did happen.  What it did was to create a bond between me and those untrusting students.  They knew if Mr. Vannatter said it, it was true and was going to happen just that way.

I have tried hard to keep that promise to this day.  If I say something, I will do my very best to do it just that way.  Since the stroke, I have increased that by explaining what I will do and all so that, if there are any questions, they are asked and we take care of those concerns, too.

All of this went through my head between seeing that question and now.  It’s important to me and, I think, to others that I keep my word.  I also expect them to keep theirs; it’s only fair.

How do you feel about that ideal?

What is the very important thing you do or don’t do?

Namaste,

Scott

saania2806.wordpress.com/

Philosophy is all about being curious, asking basic questions. And it can be fun!

North Noir

DETECTIVE FICTION - A.M. Potter | AUTHOR SITE and BLOG

%d bloggers like this: