Tag Archives: illness

Emotions and Love

No, they are not the same thing.  There is an emotional love – I think we all are VERY aware of that one.  The love I am talking about is above emotions.  It is life-enhancing-changing-purifying.  I have been there a few times for a short time.  If you really get into it and read/watch/study it, it is difficult to just achieve.  It is more a place you get to as you raise yourself.  But now I am skipping ahead.

The link <Here> is to a soulfest.  It is a week-long session of videos by many very good speakers in their fields.  All of these are centering on love, the soul, the trying to be the very best we can.  The late Dr. Wayne Dyer is the first speaker offered.  It is a 2:40:00 talk, so be prepared, but it has been a pinnacle in my watching.  I began just to see what is was about and am now 2:10:00 into it.  I took a break for a phone call to Mom and then to look up some things and now to write this.  I would recommend listening to it, but have/make time.  Breaking it up will dilute the meanings.  One thing Dr. Dyer mentions is the Dr. Hawkins consciousness code.  It can be found <Here> with a brief explanation.  The thing for me to see is where I was before my stroke and where I am now.  I was low, low on the scale, much below the 200 benchmark.  I would say that I, now, fluctuate between a little under 200 to, at times, over 500.  That just makes me tingle inside.  I want, truly want to spend more time in the upper (>200) arena.  I believe (know) I can.  That area holds keys to health, feelings, and just plain doing-well in all respects.

Watch it if you wish. See if you enjoy it.  If so, we have much more to discuss.  The first link should give you the availability to join the soulfest.  It’s free.  And, it won’t tie up your entire week…unless you want it to!







The View from the Bathroom

I spent last Sunday morning (5:30A-9:30A) very ill, again, with my Gastro Paresis.  I couldn’t understand this episode. It had been nearly 3 months and I was doing pretty good at keeping my sugar in fair shape.  This time is was a bit milder and slower, so, although I could not lay down (bad position for this), I was able to do a bit of Internet research between trips to the bathroom (I can’t call it the restroom as I didn’t “rest” at all).  I went through search after Google search looking at it from all different angles.  I finally discovered some things not mentioned by my doctor, nor in other articles (fancy that, not knowing all about a disease!).

What I found was I was doing right by keeping my sugar down (It really should be lower than it is.).  What I didn’t know is this is more of a syndrome and I will, most likely, have it forever (I never underestimate the power of attraction, healing, and God).  I found out, too, along with keeping my sugar down, I need to eat smaller meals more often.  This had never been a problem.

It kinda works like this:  After your sugar is high for some time over a period of even years, the Vagus nerve, which runs from the midbrain (where I had my stroke) down to the stomach, becomes damaged and does not work effectively.  This means your stomach will not push food through quickly enough or not at all.  In my case it was, probably, slowly.  So, this means food stays in your stomach too long and does not get moved into your small intestine for full digestion.  Your stomach then, kinda recovers, and pushes all the food into it at once (therefore the spikes in my sugar of 100-200 points after not eating anything all day).  If it has been slow enough or not at all, the food can go rancid, build up bacteria, and you get violently ill.  I am assuming this is the cause of the horrible belching odor I get about 2 hours before beginning to vomit and diarrhea.  In addition, you get a quick dumping of liquids, which means you dehydrate quicker and your diarrhea is explosive and worse.  After about 2-4 hours, this stops and you feel crappy, but can, finally, rest.  I did so sitting in my Dad’s old motorized chair from the nursing home.  I slept about 3 hours then was good enough to go back to semi-normal functioning (careful and at home).

Now, here’s the big reason for this post:  This syndrome can start ANYTIME if you are diabetic and ANYONE can have it for an undiscovered reason off and on.  So, I am just letting you know so you can take some precautions if you are diabetic and to be informed you can have it even if not.

It’s a nasty thing and I will get it cured in myself.  However, I always believe good info is always best.



If it’s not one thing – Well, it is usually more things.

Long week.  Dad passed on the 25th of July.  His birthday was yesterday (Tuesday).  Sis had her cancer surgery Monday.  She is doing well, miserable, but well.  Me?  I went to the Doctor’s this morning with a stuffy head, drainage, body aches, no fever, and a bad raspy cough.

The doctor kinda looked at me and said, “Stress.”  I didn’t think about that.  I am under so little stress since my stroke and I have such a different outlook on life that I forget stress can still get to me.  So, I am sick – I am stressed.  Okay, I will get better – am getting better.

I used to play a card game called “Magic the Gathering” (ooh and aah).  Well, I played and I shared it with my students and met with a group of them after school once a week.  We had fun and they learned to play nicely together.  I collected the cards and gave them or traded them to the students as a reward for behavior or whatever.  We all enjoyed the time.   Of course, that buying of cards to sell meant buying bulk cards at a good rate.  I now do not play, so I have been trying to sell the lot of them (or most, I still want to maybe play).  Well, I found someone to buy them and we are meeting later this week.  The final sell count was just over 49,000 cards…YES, I wrote that right… over forty-nine thousand cards!  I am pleased to be selling them and I am pleased to have them out of my house.  I kept several hundred for myself, but that’s a small amount that won’t take up a lot of room.  However, getting them out and separated and counted…wow!  I am tired and still sick…But, it is done.

So, tired, sick, and somewhat happy, plus glad Sis is fine.  I guess I will call it a day.  DAY!



What a Week!

This has been a bad week.  I don’t just mean the “I fell and skinned my knee” week; I mean the “I think the bombs have been launched!” week.

My sister just found out she has cancer, curable, yes, but there’s that “you need 5 weeks of chemo/radiation, then we operate” type of cancer. Just in case anyone is keeping track, I don’t capitalize “cancer” because I refuse to give it that kind of attention anytime I think of it.

Also, my Dad fell at the nursing home.  And within 10 minutes of that my Mom was helping Sis and she fell asleep and hit her face on the hardwood floor.  Dad just got reprimanded by a nurse and me; Mom spent about 4-5 hours in the ER.

Now, let’s top that off with me getting some type of stomach bug that had me in so much pain, I finally threw up (I hate throwing up) just to see if that would ease the pain – it did.  Thank everything it was only about a 24 hour thing – probably something I ate.

Anyway, that has been my family’s week – fun, huh?

I told you that because it’s also been a pensive time.  Yeah, I have put many hours into living through a post-apocalyptic world in “Fallout 3” (which I finally modded and fixed so it does run), but I also have done a lot of thinking about people, how mean they can be, and how vulnerable we are.

So, in just a short statement I just wanted to acknowledge that, in all this political upheaval and mess,  and with everyone screaming at everyone else about freedom:  I want to formally say that I support the rights for the LBGT community and the BDSM community as a whole.  I think that too many of us have taken our views and values and pushed it upon the media to the point that many groups, like these two, have been under a lot of unnecessary pressure to conform.

You have a right to be yourself, whatever that may be.  As long as you are not breaking laws or harming someone else (without consent), I really don’t see the problem.  Short and sweet – that’s it.



A Day in the Life of…(Actually, Several)

I know that title or the first part, at least, came from somewhere famous.  Google didn’t narrow it down enough for me to give credit, so I will just say – Not originally mine.  There, the niceties are done – on with the show.

Monday should have been like most other days – I meet Mom at the nursing home, we follow Dad to dialysis, she checks on him while I sleep in the car, then we eat breakfast, shop a bit, and follow him back to the nursing home.  It did go like that, except, mostly unknown to me – I was getting ready to be a part of a huge illness streak.

Dad has pneumonia; he is getting better.  That was Monday.  By Tuesday, I was calling the doctor to cancel a test and schedule a visit.  I was sick, really sick.  My sister had been sick for a bit, missing school – something she loathes to miss.  I got antibiotics and cough syrup and hit the bed and the chair until…well, still am there.

Sis had a relapse; her fever came back the day before she was heading back to school.  Then Mom, 80 years old, got sick.  Now, I was worried.  Her system doesn’t handle being sick and she normally refuses to go to the doctor.  Sis got her there and it was a very bad respiratory infection.  She sleeps all the time now, but is improving.

Me – My temp hit 102.7, I got a bit delirious, all kinds of aches and pains (even my bald head hurt to be touched!), coughing so badly, at times, I wondered if I would wake up on the floor because I could not get a breath in between spasms.  A lot of coughing but nothing coming up.  Still a small wheeze and rattle in my chest – just enough to scare the crap out of me most of the time and irritate me all the rest.

Fever was 101.7 on Wednesday night.  I haven’t taken it today.  I was in bed 13 of the last 15 hours and it hurt to be there.  I am on the mending road now, but I swear it was a bit touch-and-go there for a minute.

I described all of this for a couple of reasons.  Yeah, it feels good to be able to tell you (couldn’t before, couldn’t even play my video games!).  But the more important reason is, for the first time, in my life, I was completely alone, without family.  All of us were sick, no visits, only a very few phone calls.  It was weird.  I have always prided myself on being a loner, but it felt terrible to know, if I had an emergency, I had no close family to call on.  There is and would be my daughter, but she is about 30-45 minutes away and isn’t always home.  It has always been easy to just know I could call Sis or Mom and they would be here in 10 minutes or even less.  I seldom ever did, but to just know was enough.  Makes me wonder what would happen if I didn’t live around here.  I had given some thought to moving to Portland near my son, but finances have stopped that.  Now, I realize, since he is a busy person, I would mostly be on my own like this.  Not sure now I would be ready for that.

Family is interesting.  Half the time you are fighting someone close to you, the rest you seem to be trying to be so independent.  Nothing like a small plague in your family to shake you up and stir your emotions.

Love your family.  Be concerned about them.  Don’t be afraid to show your love for them.  It is now understood by me quite well they won’t be around forever and it’s not the same without them.



Beauty lies within yourself

The only impossible journey in life is you never begin!! ~Tanvir Kaur


Philosophy is all about being curious, asking basic questions. And it can be fun!

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