Tag Archives: interest

What is this Thing called Love?

Here we go…me getting all personal and sharing things.  I meet with my stroke counselor about every 3-4 months for an hour.  Not much time, you say, but I try to bring notes and catch her up on everything and she sees what I think is important and asks the good questions back.  We have a good hour and I leave feeling a bit better about how I am handling this shift from well and busy working to home and busy writing.

For the last few months I have been thinking about my future and my personal life, especially, my love life.  Now, let’s define “love”:

Love is an emotion of a strong affection and personal attachment.[1] Love is also said to be a virtue representing all of human kindness, compassion, and affection —”the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another”.[2] Love may describe compassionate and affectionate actions towards other humans, one’s self or animals.[3]

In English, love refers to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from pleasure (“I loved that meal”) to interpersonal attraction (“I love my partner”). “Love” may refer specifically to the passionate desire and intimacy of romantic love, to the sexual love of eros, to the emotional closeness of familial love, to the platonic love that defines friendship,[4] or to the profound oneness or devotion of religious love,[5] or to a concept of love that encompasses all of those feelings. This diversity of uses and meanings, combined with the complexity of the feelings involved, makes love unusually difficult to consistently define, compared to other emotional states.

From http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love

Now, this definition goes on and on about 10 times longer than what is written above.  But, I think that what is here will suffice for what I want to talk about.

Love is looked on as good or bad, depending on what type you are concentrating on.

The main point is that love covers a huge definition of terms, at least, for English speaking people.  As mentioned, love goes from a care or affection for food or a movie up to love of spouse and love of God.  We have created a world of “loves”, different things depending on your point of view.  Oh my!  what a difference your point of view can mean!

I think love must be done in context to mean anything.  The term, “I love eggs” is good for talking about food, but what happens if you are discussing babies or sex?  In the context of a video game it can mean a lot as “Easter Eggs” are something special hidden in the game and often very difficult to find.  And Easter Egg can lead us to a love of chocolate or a love of giving/receiving of cards.  It also can bring the mind back to a romantic love.  I was bad this Valentine’s Day.  I stayed home.  I had no reason to go anywhere and did not ask anyone to dinner because I didn’t want any of the ladies to look me at with the “This is Valentine’s Day!” stare on their face when I just wanted dinner.

Just thinking – I believe that’s me there!

I have a good friend who loves spending time talking and sharing with me, and I with her.  See? there’s that word again.  We get together about 1 time a week and go see a movie and/or eat out.  We do the checks separate and meet somewhere about 1/2 way for us.  The thing is I love doing this, but I draw the line there.  She knows that and we have agreed on it.  It works for us.

The epiphany that I hit last week or in the last few days was that I am not sure if I can love someone.  I don’t mean the “I care about you” or the concern you feel for family or close friends.  What I mean is that I am not sure I can do the romantic, forever type of love.  I didn’t grow up with really good models of that type of love.  Mom and Dad love each other; I can see that.  What I mean is that the last generation before us had a tendency to keep quiet about love and sex and all;  they built love to be something so high and special and all that…. well, at least, I didn’t understand it all, even when I got married.

When you start out without a good idea of how something works, the future of that thing is called into question with every bit of new knowledge.  I think my first wife was in the same boat with me and we just grew apart as we each came to understand what that type of love really meant.  I didn’t figure it out (still haven’t, all of it) mostly until just recently.  I read all of the posts and see the movies, read the books, watch the news, and think a lot.  What I come up with is not so much a definition of the term, but the fact that so many definitions are out there and I am looking at one of them with the others surrounding me.

I picture sexual love.  I can see that one.  It’s fairly straight-forward and our society deals with that one constantly.  I can see love of a friend.  Whether or not I like everything about a friend (and, I usually don’t) I can stay friends because we are not together 24/7, and I have a time to be away and recoup.  I can see and understand a love of routine and activities.  I love the things I do and have.  It is comfortable to have a routine established.

I love music and movies, and video games.  These are things that I am comfortable with and can deal with for hours without feeling any sense of loss.

But, the idea of caring about someone above all others, of wanting to be with them forever, of wanting them to stay with me by my side in “our” home;  that idea doesn’t sit will with me.  I enjoy my own time, my quiet time, my escape time.  I like that, when I get home from dealing with others, I will be by myself and can escape into other things.

Does that make me strange?

Does that make me a bad person?

Does that mean I can never love?

These questions do not bother me so much as intrigue me.  I don’t consider myself strange or bad.  I assume I can love, but it’s the type that I wonder about.

At present, I do not see me interested in spending my life with someone else in a “live-in” or marital relationship.  I can see me forming an intimate bond but it would have its limits.

Is that wrong?  I don’t see it as so.

It is limiting, but it seems to me that I am saying I am okay with those limits.  And, I believe I am.  The problem becomes that I am not used to this world.

Are there women out there who feel the same?

More importantly, are there women out there who feel the same and will deal well with a disabled person?  That seems to cut the numbers down significantly.

So, I am not sad, not disappointed, nor despondent.  More, I am curious and trying to look at this as a challenge and try to figure out how to meet these people that I feel certain exist.

What are your thoughts?  How do you feel about love?

Namaste,

Scott

Wow – A Short One!

Short post today. What it amounts to is that I was reading through JMMcDowell’s Post for “How Do You Follow Them? Part 2” and she was talking about how grateful people are when you post three or less times per week.

I understand the statement, the answer, and the reason, but it prompted me to tell you why I post every day. There are several reasons, really.

First, I am disabled and don’t work, so I have time to do this.

Second, I know myself enough to know that, if I don’t post each day, it will die out and I will stop it altogether. I have done this on so many things through my life, I didn’t want to chance it happening here.

Third, I thought people would get to know me a bit better.

Fourth, it has made me become more versatile. By writing every day, I have to change what I post about and the type of post I do.

Finally, I simply love doing it. That’s the most important reason to me. I love doing it and I love hearing from all of you.

I don’t get upset or whatever if you don’t “like” my post or if you don’t comment. I don’t get upset if you can’t read my posts every day or can’t read every post. I may begin to worry if I stop seeing you post and/or comment after a while if you always have before. That’s the friend issue I have: if we chat back and forth several times, I consider you my virtual friend. We haven’t met, but I think about you.

Anyway, I said short, so I will stop with this last thought:

How do you feel about my daily posts?

Is it okay that I do them each day?

Do you like the variety?

What type of posts do you like best?

_
Love to hear from you.
Namaste,
Scott

Another Bit of the World

I met (online) a fascinating person yesterday.She is also a disabled teacher and her blog is very different from mine, yet they both resonate in the world. Just shows you what can happen.

I am hoping you will check hers out ( https://aspergersgirls.wordpress.com/ ) and, perhaps, choose to follow it, too.

My opinion is that the more places you go and the more places you put your influence into, the more the world may become that bit of perfection each of us knows as God.

Speaking of influence, I realized a moment ago how much effect we can truly have on this old world and its ways.  The idea of the seven connections seems true enough to me.  That states, basically, that seven connections put each of us in touch with everyone else in the world.

I tested it once.  I asked my daughter (who was telling me about it) to connect me to a street urchin in India.  She said that she had gone to school with (his name) and his grandmother still lived in India.  She was certain that woman knew at least one street urchin.  So, me to daughter to student to grandmother to urchin!  only 4 connections!

To connect two random points here:  I enjoy shopping at Amazon.  I also enjoy actually visiting Wal-Mart.  I noticed today how rude people can be in Wal-Mart.  Rather than be angry, I just decided to go on enjoying myself.  The cash register was a mess,  A young ,foreign mother, who did not speak English well, had to go back twice for something because she didn’t understand what product she needed for the coupon.

I have been very poor; I know what it is to have to spend time at the register figuring out how to undo a mess due to coupons and/or money.  The man behind me made a comment about learning to speak English when in an English country (I know that is a big one now).  He wasn’t particularly angry, but I think he might have been headed that way.  I merely turned my head and stated that she had picked out the wrong item for the coupon and went to get it.

No fuss, no fuming (well, not much) from anyone.  A few minutes later, I was heading to my car.  Point being:  if you use the 7 connection rule,  I just connected some smiles and niceties to millions of people.

A smile is infectious; an attitude can alter the world.

Namaste,
Scott

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