Tag Archives: love

Sparks and Fire

Again, back to August McLaughlin and one of her posts.  Put the spark back into or keep it going in your relationship with some fairly simple advice.

Link:  Keep the Sparks Going

Namaste,

Scott

The Dating Game

As my long-time readers can attest, I do dating sites.  I enjoy them (well, most of the time) and find it a way to, at least, contact women I would, otherwise, not meet.  I am not horribly picky, but I do have my limits.

I prefer women.  I prefer them younger (at least 1 year) and I am not really into BBW types.  Those are preferences.  I know I won’t do well with a highly religious person (not spiritual, that’s fine) and if you own dogs (more than 2) I doubt we would get along.  If you are really into sports, mudding, 4-wheelers, antique cars, hunting, fishing, or hiking, you would probably do best to continue on.

Why am I beginning a post with what sounds like a dating site ad?  Really just to show that I am a person with ideals, things that have to be and things that can’t be.

I used to get mad at the sites.  I got tired of not even being worth an answer from women.  Then I spoke to a couple of women who used the sites and they said I wouldn’t believe how many men write them each day.  They also said that most of those men were jerks.

I didn’t like the sites (and still don’t) for people who put pictures on their sites in which they are 3-5, even as much as 10 years younger.  Well, I guess if you tell me you are 56, but your picture looks 46 (because it is!), yes, you will probably catch my attention.  What I can’t figure is don’t these ladies realize that, at some point, they will meet this guy who will have a good reason to think he was lied to and walk out or make the evening miserable for both?

Then, finally, the ones who say, “all I want is…” and follow that with several things.  I don’t mind that.  What I mind is when the woman specifically says she doesn’t care about age or looks or money, just so he… I have met all those requirements before and they don’t even write back or it’s an instant rejection letter.

I told my stroke counselor that I have been doing a mental exercise to keep me occupied and deal with these sites.  I am on 2 sites Plenty of Fish and OkCupid.  Both are very good and can be used free with some success.  This is what drew me to them.  I now pay on both, but I wanted the changes; they weren’t necessary.  You could send and receive messages.

So, now, I do a small exercise.  Most days, I look through the pics and find 5-10 on the two sites who I might be interested in.  I make certain they are within an hour or two of me and, if things look decent, I write them.  I try to write at least 5 per day.  I don’t worry about being rejected.  That’s  part of the exercise – to get used to that.  I don’t even worry if they don’t write back at all – I just consider that a part of it.  I find a lot of scammers.  Pictures that aren’t of someone on the site or very little said and some suspicious things.  If I am sure, I report it.  If I am not, I block them.  Anyway, I have been doing that for a couple of months now. So, I estimate 5 actual writings a day and that’s over 300 letters!  Wow!  It takes a lot to bother me now.  And, I have had a couple of dates, 3-4 actually.

So, no Mrs. Right, but I am not sure I  even want that now.  It’s nice to just have the freedom to do as I want, to write who I want.  It’s fun as, sometimes, even though we won’t go out, a woman will write me for a while and we will just chat.  All of that is nice and it’s helping me.  My attitude is better and I don’t worry much about it.

Maybe you are at the point where I was and need to just write.   Maybe you need to really sit down and be honest with yourself.  Are you truly looking for a practical someone or are you looking for that one-in-a-million?  If that’s the case, realize that it means you will have to recognize that person and write and have them recognize you.  If you broaden your search, you may find the one quicker.

Thanks for listening to me go on and on.  I am really starting to enjoy my life even w/o someone.  Who knows?  I may find someone today or not at all.  It’s all part of life and of the story being told.

Namaste,

Scott

An End to an Era

As I write this, Dad has been laid to rest for about 36 hours.  It seems so much longer since just yesterday morning when the funeral was happening.  There was a wonderful turnout, around 40 people.  Many were friends, more of Sis or me than of Dad’s, but they came to honor him.  All things went well.  I was a pallbearer, only once feeling like my balance was going.  I decided I WAS going to help carry that casket, so I did.

Since the service, Mom and Sis have kept busy. I don’t fully know how all this is affecting them.  What I do know is how it is affecting me.  I have been worn out and a bit depressed since the service ended.  I have slept quite a bit, though not necessarily too long.  I got in about 7 hours last night and a 4 hour nap today.  I didn’t sleep well, so it wasn’t 11 hours of sleep or rest.  The headache is mostly gone and I have been able to keep active and work, mostly on my computer.  I haven’t left the house today, but that’s not really abnormal either.

My abnormal feelings have come in the form of being restless and yet not wanting to go anywhere either. Dad and I had a usual relationship, I guess.  We didn’t get along well when I was young.  He was working a lot and trying to write a book or something to get ahead.  I saw it as he didn’t want to spend time with me.  I got to know Mom better and didn’t really enjoy him being home.

We disagreed a lot while I grew up, but I didn’t always say anything; after all, I was passive.  My first divorce was a huge mess and he was very angry with me for leaving my family.  He understood later, but it was tense for awhile.

After my stroke, things were really different.  I was no longer quiet or passive and spoke out more.  I never really knew if he preferred it that way or not, but we seemed to get along better.  I visited 4-5 days a week when he was in the nursing home.  I wanted him to have company and do things, so he didn’t become very depressive and give up.  We played about 15 games of chess a week.  He almost always insisted I play white, so I always made the same 1st move P-K4 (I know that’s not the way you write it now, but too bad).  He won several; I won about 80-85%, I suppose.

What I know is that, even though we didn’t get along for a lot of our lives, I loved him and he loved me.  We didn’t always show it well, but still, we knew.  At the end, we said it a lot.  I am happy for those times.  Otherwise, I might never have really known my Dad.

Love you, Dad, and miss you.

Namaste,

Scott

Dating and Meeting and All Those Things… (link to reblog)

I absolutely adore August McLaughlin.  I have read and/or listened to so many of here posts since she was first writing almost to now when she hosts a Video / Audio Bog about empowering women in sexuality.  I make comments sometimes, but, she just keeps me interested in the subject.

Take a listen:

August Talks about Dating

Namaste,

Scott

Today is What?! Well, I’ll Be…

Yup, I am told that today is Valentine’s Day.  Actually, I was told that by a nurse at the home Dad is in.  She told me it was 12:01 and so was Valentine’s Day.

This has been a week full of trepidation.  Going from dropping my pills on the kitchen floor 3 days in a row to tossing my backpack into the car only to see/hear that the top was unzipped and things went flying (was about 4 Degrees F and the car had not been warmed up, too).

So, you will have to forgive me if I approach the mating day with little enthusiasm.  It doesn’t help that, like always, the vast majority of my inquiries into possible dates (otherwise known as “Dating Sites”) have produced the usual “unread, deleted”.  I get a lot of visitors to my sites, but no catches.

All for the best I tell myself.  God watches out for me and I have no idea how many psychos I may have missed through the good ol’ Unread, delete button.

Still, it would have been nice to have eaten a nice meal, watched a nice film, and, perhaps, had a nice kiss goodnight.

That always reminds me of my psych prof at college who told us very matter-of-factly:  Prostitution is indeed legal in the United States.  It is called dating.  Where else could you spend $50 on flowers, $80 on a meal, and $30 on a movie and hope for a “good night” kiss.  In these other countries, you spend $100 and have a sure thing.

  • Not a direct quote, but the idea was the same –

I suppose a bit of my problem comes from not really knowing what I truly want.  Really don’t think I want to get remarried, but not ruling it out.  Have always leaned toward a younger woman, but married ones my age (hmm, and two divorces…perhaps…well, I will dwell on that idea later!).  Anyway, when I am undecided, I probably send out undecided waves to others.  Lol – that sounded kinda lame, even just reading it back over!

The point to this rambling! … don’t really have one.  Just thought that since I am just staying home saving money on Valentine’s Day, I would spout off about it…

Have a wonderful day.  If you ARE with someone you really care for, treat him/her well.  And make sure he/she is doing the same to you – you all deserve the best.

Namaste,  Love,

Scott

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