It is one of those times when my soul longs to speak of things I, too often, try to hide, even from myself.
I am, of course, talking about being single and young enough to not be. After my second divorce, I got, pretty much, back into dating as soon as I could financially and mentally afford to.
I didn’t date much as I decided to take on the task of getting my education degree and teaching. This turned into a huge time consumer, even though I wasn’t working at the time. It was, mostly, online, so I got to stay at home (living with parents at the time) and read, study, write/talk on computer. There were trips to class a couple of times a week, for about 3 hours at a time, but it was enjoyable to be with new friends and having something in common with them all the time. Of course, infatuations would happen and not just to me. I never dated while in school, but did think about it.
So, after getting my teaching degree and beginning my beloved 7 year career in education, I still didn’t date for years. See, I had to get another degree (online) for my special education license. As my daughter put it when I was all done – “Dad, do you know that you have just about the same number of college hours now that I had to get for my Ph.D?” Well, it, certainly, felt that way.
I got down to living a normal life when I moved into my Grandmother’s home (renting from Mom who was keeping Grandmother in her house), and buying it after Grandmother passed. This “normal” life consisted of getting up at 6:30am M-F, going to work (about 15-18 mi away), teaching till 2:30p, then staying to prepare until about 9pm each day. I was slow, but enjoyed it. I had fun with the students, taught as best I could, and had a good reputation at the school. I began a “Magic the Gathering” (MTG) card group after school 1 day a week, so I got some recreation. My hip was terrible, I was in pain a lot and it got worse each year. Finally, we were being moved to a new building to teach and I started that year there. I was having difficulty walking and had to use a cane. I had been dating a young woman and it had been becoming serious. We broke up and I went back to being totally single again. I soon, thereafter, began dating a woman from Indy I took out the first time on Valentine’s Day. We were getting serious and knew it. Then, I had my stroke and everything changed.
After my stroke, I tried to go back to seeing this wonderful woman, but I knew it was different. I no longer felt the same; I had changed inside. I had issues, of course, but the real change was my mental attitudes. I no longer felt emotions well, my imagination was stagnant, and my health was made more difficult. We broke up rather suddenly and I truly wanted to begin dating. What I found was that, when I went out, I didn’t care for the person as much as I thought I did. It didn’t much matter “the who” I, simply, did not have those loving feelings I used to have pre-stroke.
Over the next 10 years or so (to now) I was never able to find that person I could really care for. I was seeing a stroke counselor 2x a year. She and I discussed this, really getting down to it in these last few months. I have changed my spirituality and that has brought out a lot of valid conclusions. I understand that all these “setbacks” were no such thing. The Law of Attraction lets us know that all things are perfect and that we have the responsibility over all of it. We even have control over all of it. Problem is that, usually, we have been conditioned by society for so long that we have no control and just need to accept things that we just coast along. I am learning how to take back control. I have things happen all the time now in which I see the good in a “bad” situation. I understand the forces acting for me in a world in which I, more and more, decide what will happen. This is still all new to me, but I feel very comfortable facing my growing age now. I expect good things and they happen.
I am not going to leave the point of this post to go off on a tangent about the Law of Attraction (LofA). I have a page on Facebook (group on LofA) and there are several books I will point you to should you be interested in seeing how this change works. They are at the end of this post.
Right now, just let me say that I have chosen, now, to be alone and happy. I lost Dad over 2 years ago and Sis last Jan 28th. I help take care of Mom (she still does most of it), I have dinner with friends once a week and watch Netflix with one of those friends, eat dinner at Cracker Barrel with Mom a great deal, have most of the serving and hosting staff at Cracker Barrel on a first-name basis, am carrying on my Dad’s reputation as the “Candy Man” by passing out chocolates to the CB crew, play video games at home (one with an online friend), and play Deluxe Scrabble with my cousin 1x a week (He beats me a lot and I am not used to that in regular Scrabble).
So, I am happy, my blog friends here keeps growing and I love everyone now. My Facebook friends have gone over 500 and I talk to a lot of people there, many of whom I had lost touch with.
Finally, there is my Cat, Tamika. She and I have been together over a decade and have learned to “respect” one another’s differences. Life is good…and Death, well, I don’t fear it anymore.
_______ Books to Read for Law of Attraction and a New Life _______
- Pam Grout – “E Squared”
- Pam Grout – “E Cubed”
- Marianne Williamson – “A Course in Miracles” – referenced often by Pam Grout – I have not read this one
- Anita Moorjani – “Dying to Be Me”
- Neale Donald Walsh – “Conversations with God – Book 1”
Numbers 1 and 4 (and 5) will absolutely change your life.
PS – I know I have left experiences and people I truly care for out of this post. Know how much I care and never intend harm.
Namaste,
Scott
Kindredspirit23's Blog 