
When I was in high school, I was head-over-heels in love with a young woman. We dated, became close, and things were going very well. I was the usual guy in school: I hadn’t thought long-long term. Marriage was in my head, but I hadn’t done the details. I just knew this was “the one”.
My family and I went on a trip for two-three weeks to a State Park (Levi Jackson) in KY in the summer. We had done this before; I always enjoyed it. This time, however, I was lonely; I missed my bright-eyed, laughing young blonde and had a difficult time thinking of all the time without her. I believe I wrote several times; I know I sat and thought about her constantly.
Finally, the time was up and we returned home. I went to see her very soon for a date. I drove to her house and knocked. When I was let in, there was another guy there. He was there for her, of course. She and I went out, but I was cold and fairly unforgiving; I was angry and hurt. I remember saying something to her when I dropped her back off, and she knew that we weren’t going out anymore.
I thought back and “realized” what the problem was: A relative had been talking to me about “French kissing” and had said that you get pregnant from it. I was fairly naïve then on the subject of sex, so I took him at his word. Of course, what he meant was that French kissing can lead to other things that get you pregnant. Anyway, the next time I had seen her she had been ready to try that and I had refused. I “knew” that the reason she found someone else was that I had not been willing to do that.
She stayed in my head for a very long time after that, decades. I, finally, reconnected with her when I was in my 50’s. We had both been married and divorced. I, having had my filters turned off from the stroke, asked her about why we broke up. Her statement: I had been planning to go into the ministry at the time and she could not see herself as a minister’s wife!
I was wrong! I had been wrong all these years!
Now, I am wiser; now, I understand better. This has really helped to teach me to ask questions and seek out answers and not to a-s-s-u-m-e. It’s not that I would have done anything different in this case. She didn’t want to be a minister’s wife, but couldn’t tell me that, so she chose a rather poor method of letting me know she was done. However, I might have been different if I had not gone all those years carrying her memory in my head and reliving the times over and over.
What was important was that, had I been able to ask questions and get refinement, I would have asked the relative and things might have turned out a bit different there! 🙂
You ever make an assumption that changed a large part of your life and then find out you were wrong?
Namaste,
Scott
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