Highs and Lows…

I realize my last post was about my being “something Great!”.  I also realize how pumped up I normally am.  It  just goes to show you we are all human.

I had a kinda meltdown today.  Nothing drastic, nothing even serious – but still significant to me.  I was taking a shower and had just come off the season 3 finale of “Orange is the New Black” (excellent!).  While in the shower I began to get a fairly uncommon (of recent), but very familiar feeling called “worry” and “stress” hitting me.  I began to have some stomach problems, the water in the shower was a cross between invigorating and irritating and I found myself beginning to get that old “clinched” feeling in  my hands, stomach, and (excuse, please) bowels.

Now, I am (as I said) used to this feeling.  It is what brought me to the bring of exhaustion, brought about such anxiety I had to be decently medicated, made me depressed, and was the basis for my stroke.  Yes, I am familiar with stress and worry.

This time, however, I was able to think it through.  I didn’t spaz out and collapse into tears and all.  What I did was to think about what is bothering me.  All of it:

1)  Dad’s in the nursing home.

2)  Dad may not be with us a whole lot longer.

3)  Mom’s a nervous wreck over Dad.

4)  Sis is not sleeping due to 1-3 above and school starting in a few weeks.

5)  My car is in the shop.

6)  I had a stroke.

7)  I can no longer work and bring in a significant amount of money.

8)  I just had my hip replaced.

9)  I am not dating (not sure if that’s really good or bad).

10)  I don’t sleep well anymore.

11)  My roof has a hole in it and needs to be repaired, but it is raining nearly every day.

12)  Anything else I haven’t thought of so I can have 12 items.

So, a decent list.  I decided God is still in control.  Everything will work out in the end.  And, I needed to do something – So, voila! I am writing to my most wonderful set of friends out here in Blogland.  You are all always so great.  When you have problems, you write about them and you nearly always have great positive things to say when others are down.  It would be great if my top 30 blogging friends lived with me in one city, so we could chat and meet and talk and all…(come on, I know you have, at least, thought about it.).  Not gonna happen, but still…

Look!  Already, just writing to you has brought me mostly out of my funk (I said, “Mostly”).  I am more positive now and will go back to doing what I do and being thankful I have such a great set of people out there.  I would do names, but it honestly has become long enough of a list I would miss at least one person and I don’t want to do that.

So, if you consider me a friend, know I consider you one as well and you have helped out a friend today!

Namaste,

Scott

(PS – I can always use MORE FRIENDS!!!)

Where’s the Beauty? Conclusion.

Part Two – Conclusion

Yesterday’s story had a point and the point was made; however, there is an ending to the story that should be told. It is quite bittersweet, if not sad.

Those two ladies and I were the best of friends. The young woman I had the argument with, let’s call her Sally and the other woman, Jane, and I were excellent friends, almost the three musketeers.

Sally and I never dated, but Jane and I did fall for each other and go out. In the beginning Sally thought this was great. I later learned (from Jane) that, mostly, Sally would enjoy hearing all about our private lives because, of course, we would tell her because we were such good friends. The problem became that both Jane and I were very hushed to Sally about our love life for several reasons.

Three’s Company? Yes, in a lot of ways!

And, of course, right or wrong, we both spent much less time with Sally as we spent more time as a couple. This angered Sally and she was a conniving person when angry.

So, first she got her ducks in a row, then, when talking to Jane, asked her if I had ever told her how beautiful she was. She thought about it and realized that I hadn’t. This led her to the beginnings of doubt about our relationship.

Then, Sally talked to me about whether or not I had told Jane how beautiful she was. Obviously, I hadn’t and this led me to wondering about our relationship.

Now, Jane was not truly physically beautiful; however, she was very pretty, and smart and caring and funny and a good mother who also took care of her mother and father in her home. However, Sally put that doubt there and it did its job and ate through the relationship.

Revenge just never really works out no matter how you plan.

I finally broke up with Jane. Jane’s reaction was horrible; she had never had a person break up with her; she had always been the one to end things. She stopped going to the Parents Without Partner meetings and quit talking to both Sally and me. I found out about two months later that she had married a guy and moved out west somewhere and that they were in counseling for marital problems.

I figured out what Sally had done and stopped talking to her altogether. I found out later that she had gotten pregnant with twins, had not married the father, and was making due on her own.

Years later, I recognized her last name as the owner of a mortuary. I called and he informed me he was her uncle. He would not tell me anything about how to contact her (protecting her, good for him), but did let me know that she was doing well and that he would let her know I had called with concern.

Linda, your comment brought those memories back to me. I see all the lessons that are in this story, but the biggest is simply how friendships really change once problems, even really correctable ones, enter into them.

Jane and I, obviously, had other problems in our relationship than me simply not telling her she was beautiful. It hadn’t made any difference until Sally started in on it. And, Sally, in my opinion, was fairly vindictive. I was a mess and had a lot of growing up to do.

Things happen; things change. I do wish I could see those two just to observe where we all are in life now and say I am sorry for various things. I learned from all of it and that is the big point.

Argument and breakup; there are lessons there.

Have you had a huge mess-up like this in your past?

Have you lost friends over things that could have been easily worked out?

_
Namaste,
Scott

A Little Bit of Encouragement

I had a student once, sent to me because of different difficulties.He worked in my class (not always something that was done) and tried very hard. When grades came out, he approached my desk.

“Mr. V? I wanted to thank you for the A+.”

I looked at him. “Don’t thank me. You earned it.”

He smiled, but still looked shook. “No one’s ever given me an A+.” And out he walked, out of my special needs classroom, back to the regular school, and I never saw him again.

He was “fixed”. He made it. That one little A+ was all he had needed to boost his confidence high enough to handle what life was throwing him. I truly didn’t give it to him; he earned it. I suppose it may have been the way I looked at his work. I always tended to try to think like the student when I graded papers, especially subjective ones.

I know there are teachers and administrators who disagreed and still do with that approach. Theirs is a “they must fight for everything; don’t give an inch” approach to grades. Somehow, we’ve  lost, I think, our ability to see past our noses and notice what the person really needs in order to succeed.

Snow White did not need someone to tell her to face up to the Wicked Stepmother and fight tooth and nail for what she stood for. What she really needed was a good friend (and she had seven), who merely loved her and helped when things got really tough. But did they fight and yell? No, they simply cared about their friend and because of their care, they put her in a glass casket and the prince found her.

Just think what it would have been like if the dwarves had simply dug a hole under a tree, dropped her in a wooden coffin, and buried it.

I think we really have to look at what a person needs (pray about it, if that works for you) and do that for them instead of giving them a hard way to go all the time.

Love is, truly, the answer.
Namaste,
Scott