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End of the Year – BDSM Anyone?

Did the title shock you?  Repulse you?  Are you even reading this far?

Before going on, this post would be rated from heavy PG13 to R, so kiddies – no no….responsible adults, you may continue.

I know that there was a time in my past in which my current mores (right word?) would not have allowed me to go past the title, and I would not have had the interest to.  A shame, really.  I have found, since then, that BDSM is not like I had been told, not something evil (of course, I don’t believe in evil anymore, but you get the point), and not necessarily something to be avoided.

Since “coming out” on here > POST < I have had the freedom within myself to study and talk about BDSM without feeling worried or guilty.  The truth of the matter is that I feel freer than I have ever felt.

Other than going to some meetings and talking more, I don’t really think my life is a whole lot different than it ever was, at least, strictly because of BDSM.  Now, my spiritual change has altered my life very significantly and I am even more thankful for that.  Frankly, I think people are less accepting of my spiritual change than my affiliations with BDSM.  I find that interesting as physical pain and such could not be attributed to my spiritual change, but one could argue that BDSM leans more in that direction.

Regardless, we are ending a year today, no more 2017, and I want to have my last post of this year concern some educational practices for the masses.  So, I am offering up 2 things:  1) a short dissertation on BDSM (through wiki) and 2) the opportunity to ask me questions both publicly and privately.

  1. BDSM – just click and read – > Wiki on BDSM   If  you read the entire article (it is long), you will, perhaps, get a small understanding both of what BDSM encompasses and how easy it is to misunderstand.  “50 Shades of Gray” by PD James was not only a controversial book, but one that misrepresents BDSM.  The book only highlights the bad “Dom” – Christian and show how a woman in love can do all sorts of things, even somewhat unsafe things, to try and please her man.  Real BDSM, honest BDSM demands that both parties are informed of what can happen, what can’t happen, how to stop it, and what the risks are.  That wasn’t done in the movie nor the book.  Book 2 was better.  The true idea is for both parties to enjoy the experience as they wish to enjoy it.  Pain releases endorphins and these chemicals heighten responses and can give pleasure.  As long as safety is observed, it can be enjoyable.  I am not saying that there are not parts of BDSM that are not dangerous and unsafe.  All practices in most anything have their extremes; however, standard practices will include safety and be enjoyable for both parties.
  2. Here is  where I allow you all the opportunity to pick my brain.  You can do this either of two ways.  The first is simply to comment on this post and ask your question(s).  I will do my best to answer them, providing I don’t have to tell something not very proper on here or give out info I consider confidential.  The second way is more private.  My email is bookman23@comcast.net.  Please just send me an email. If you really want secrecy, even from me, then open a new yahoo email (you are allowed  up to 5), call it junkmail@yahoo.com and write me.  Either way, I will be glad to share with you.  This is part of my purpose, I think.  I am an educator and love to teach.  This allows me to continue my joy of educating.

Okay, Happy New Year!  I look forward to hearing from all of you, any of you, whatever positive you have to add or question you wish to ask.  I have been lucky enough to have good friends who share things about the lifestyle that have helped me make informed choices and are leading me into a good solid future where my life is a positive influence.

Thank you all.

Namaste,

Scott

What is this Thing called Love?

Here we go…me getting all personal and sharing things.  I meet with my stroke counselor about every 3-4 months for an hour.  Not much time, you say, but I try to bring notes and catch her up on everything and she sees what I think is important and asks the good questions back.  We have a good hour and I leave feeling a bit better about how I am handling this shift from well and busy working to home and busy writing.

For the last few months I have been thinking about my future and my personal life, especially, my love life.  Now, let’s define “love”:

Love is an emotion of a strong affection and personal attachment.[1] Love is also said to be a virtue representing all of human kindness, compassion, and affection —”the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another”.[2] Love may describe compassionate and affectionate actions towards other humans, one’s self or animals.[3]

In English, love refers to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from pleasure (“I loved that meal”) to interpersonal attraction (“I love my partner”). “Love” may refer specifically to the passionate desire and intimacy of romantic love, to the sexual love of eros, to the emotional closeness of familial love, to the platonic love that defines friendship,[4] or to the profound oneness or devotion of religious love,[5] or to a concept of love that encompasses all of those feelings. This diversity of uses and meanings, combined with the complexity of the feelings involved, makes love unusually difficult to consistently define, compared to other emotional states.

From http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love

Now, this definition goes on and on about 10 times longer than what is written above.  But, I think that what is here will suffice for what I want to talk about.

Love is looked on as good or bad, depending on what type you are concentrating on.

The main point is that love covers a huge definition of terms, at least, for English speaking people.  As mentioned, love goes from a care or affection for food or a movie up to love of spouse and love of God.  We have created a world of “loves”, different things depending on your point of view.  Oh my!  what a difference your point of view can mean!

I think love must be done in context to mean anything.  The term, “I love eggs” is good for talking about food, but what happens if you are discussing babies or sex?  In the context of a video game it can mean a lot as “Easter Eggs” are something special hidden in the game and often very difficult to find.  And Easter Egg can lead us to a love of chocolate or a love of giving/receiving of cards.  It also can bring the mind back to a romantic love.  I was bad this Valentine’s Day.  I stayed home.  I had no reason to go anywhere and did not ask anyone to dinner because I didn’t want any of the ladies to look me at with the “This is Valentine’s Day!” stare on their face when I just wanted dinner.

Just thinking – I believe that’s me there!

I have a good friend who loves spending time talking and sharing with me, and I with her.  See? there’s that word again.  We get together about 1 time a week and go see a movie and/or eat out.  We do the checks separate and meet somewhere about 1/2 way for us.  The thing is I love doing this, but I draw the line there.  She knows that and we have agreed on it.  It works for us.

The epiphany that I hit last week or in the last few days was that I am not sure if I can love someone.  I don’t mean the “I care about you” or the concern you feel for family or close friends.  What I mean is that I am not sure I can do the romantic, forever type of love.  I didn’t grow up with really good models of that type of love.  Mom and Dad love each other; I can see that.  What I mean is that the last generation before us had a tendency to keep quiet about love and sex and all;  they built love to be something so high and special and all that…. well, at least, I didn’t understand it all, even when I got married.

When you start out without a good idea of how something works, the future of that thing is called into question with every bit of new knowledge.  I think my first wife was in the same boat with me and we just grew apart as we each came to understand what that type of love really meant.  I didn’t figure it out (still haven’t, all of it) mostly until just recently.  I read all of the posts and see the movies, read the books, watch the news, and think a lot.  What I come up with is not so much a definition of the term, but the fact that so many definitions are out there and I am looking at one of them with the others surrounding me.

I picture sexual love.  I can see that one.  It’s fairly straight-forward and our society deals with that one constantly.  I can see love of a friend.  Whether or not I like everything about a friend (and, I usually don’t) I can stay friends because we are not together 24/7, and I have a time to be away and recoup.  I can see and understand a love of routine and activities.  I love the things I do and have.  It is comfortable to have a routine established.

I love music and movies, and video games.  These are things that I am comfortable with and can deal with for hours without feeling any sense of loss.

But, the idea of caring about someone above all others, of wanting to be with them forever, of wanting them to stay with me by my side in “our” home;  that idea doesn’t sit will with me.  I enjoy my own time, my quiet time, my escape time.  I like that, when I get home from dealing with others, I will be by myself and can escape into other things.

Does that make me strange?

Does that make me a bad person?

Does that mean I can never love?

These questions do not bother me so much as intrigue me.  I don’t consider myself strange or bad.  I assume I can love, but it’s the type that I wonder about.

At present, I do not see me interested in spending my life with someone else in a “live-in” or marital relationship.  I can see me forming an intimate bond but it would have its limits.

Is that wrong?  I don’t see it as so.

It is limiting, but it seems to me that I am saying I am okay with those limits.  And, I believe I am.  The problem becomes that I am not used to this world.

Are there women out there who feel the same?

More importantly, are there women out there who feel the same and will deal well with a disabled person?  That seems to cut the numbers down significantly.

So, I am not sad, not disappointed, nor despondent.  More, I am curious and trying to look at this as a challenge and try to figure out how to meet these people that I feel certain exist.

What are your thoughts?  How do you feel about love?

Namaste,

Scott

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