How I Wonder

How I Wonder

By Scott L Vannatter

A Pic, A Vid, A Thought, A Voice

Flicks through my mind and I know

That although through life we have much Choice,

At the end, we all must go.

 

My Dad, a good man, stayed here for a long, long time.

But it seems now that it was short, not long,

That I never got the time to say all I was fine.

I think he knew and that I am not wrong.

 

Now, Sis is gone. Taken after a short while.

Her two grand babies she loved so much.

She spent time with daughter and two mile after mile.

She held them all; they all felt her touch.

 

Mom and I left to care for each other.

So glad that others are around us, too.

I lost my Sis; she was loved by her brother.

But that hole that exists, what shall we do?

 

But, how I wonder at the sights they see,

Not held back by Earthly living are they.

They know it all now, much more than me,

Until this body ceases to be some day.

• Richard L Vannatter – July 25,2016
• Darci D Hill – January 24, 2019

 

A Ghost of a Chance – Flash Fiction 150 Word Max

“It’s a ghost town, Carol. You know, nothng living, just ghosts hanging about.” Jack snorted just a bit as they approached the vacant, unused buildings that used to make up Tindertown.

“I know that, but I don’t want to stop there!” She didn’t shreik but he thought she might.

He accelerated just a bit coming round the corner to the town. A figure stepped out in front of the vehicle and Jack managed to swing the car to the left, but not enough to miss the person.

“Jack!”

He hit the brake, looking in the mirror at … nothing.

“I must have been seeing things,” he said trying not to let his shivers show.

“No,” said Carol, “you weren’t.”

Jack followed her eyes, using the mirror to see the pasty-white translucent figure sitting in the back seat…smiling.

Neither Jack nor Carol saw the oncoming semi until it was too late.

Word Count – 150 Words

Speaking of the Past: Me to … Me

Source: Wiki Licensed for Reuse Click Pic for Page

When you read the following post you are going to wonder why in the world I put a picture of Amanda Palmer here.   So, I will tell you.  Amanda is a heroine of mine; she has become a role model of sorts.  She is herself and that has caused quite some turmoil.  I hope to do a bit of the same myself, someday… I wish she could read this and make a comment!  That would, indeed, make my day! (It doesn’t hurt that I find her very attractive either)

There was a project being done on YouTube about what would you say to your younger self if you could.  I have lost the link, sorry, but I imagine you can find it, should you choose to do so. It was about 2-3 minutes and very good.  But what it really did was get me thinking:  What would I really say to me?

I mean, come on, it would be great to tell myself to invest in Amazon, Microsoft, or even Walmart before they were even thought about.  But, forgetting that, what would I truly say?

If I think about it, I am a product of every decision I made throughout life, every choice, every move, every … thing.  How much would that change if I went back and warned me?  If I knew I was going to go through two divorces, would I marry?  Then, I don’t have my two wonderful children.  The world would be a worse place without them, that’s for certain.  Would I marry then leave right after they were born instead of trying for years to work through something that wasn’t going to work out?  Then, my two wonderful children would grow up totally different and might not be the loving, kind, great people they are today.  How about trying harder to work out the marriage?  Nope, been there tried that.

I guess I might be okay with telling myself that I should have more confidence and be more assertive.  My life might have been happier and fuller.  I also doubt much that I would have the same friends, experiences, jobs, memories as I do now – in fact, I know I wouldn’t.  Then, how could I make the right decisions?  How would I be able to guide my children, my students, you all as my readers?

The answer to all the above is:  I couldn’t.  It wouldn’t happen.  Life might be better for me, but I am not certain it would be any more fulfilling.  My life was tough, no doubt about it now.  I got stomped on; I got beat down a lot; I cried myself to sleep on more than one occasion.  What came of that?  Well….here’s what:

I became the me that I am now proud of.  I became the me who had the stroke which gave me the time and mental fortitude to become published, to write a blog, to keep writing a blog, and…

To sit here and realize that life is just as it needs to be.  Period.

So, what I accomplished by deciding what I would say to myself is to reinforce my mantra:

Everything works out in the end; if it hasn’t worked out, it isn’t the end.

That’s what I did.  Good for me!

Namaste,

Scott

And How Long Will This Miracle Take?

Source: Google Image – Licensed for Reuse. Click on Pic for page.

Well, things can get very interesting if you let them.

For instance, I pray for something.  Now, if it is something difficult, then a miracle may be needed.  I believe that God is perfectly capable of bringing that miracle into existence.  But, that is often the point at which I also decide that, perhaps, He shouldn’t.  I mean, who am I to say that He should grant such and such?  What if granting that something would really mess us other good things that are going on?  What right do I have to demand (pray without ceasing) that my miracle happen?  Anyway, that is often where I, at least, used to go with the conversation.

I have addressed that question according to my current set of beliefs and am comfortable with my answer.  How do I feel?  Well, now, I don’t pray exactly for miracles, at least, not in the same way.  I ask for what I choose to have come into my life or to come into the lives of others.  However, now, I add a statement at the end of my prayers.  It goes something like this:

Lord, I have asked for these miracles to come into my life.  But, only, God, if they can be part of the best for all concerned.  You know better than I and I will accept whatever happens.

Then, I accept whatever happens.  It doesn’t mean, to me, that I have set myself up to accept failure.  What it means to me is that I have allowed God to do what He does best: work things out the best for all concerned.

If you have read much of my spiritual beliefs, you know that I don’t hold much account with any religion.  They are fine.  People are welcome to believe what they will.  My beliefs, however, do not fit within the confines of any religion.  I love God and know that He loves me and that He loves everyone, even those I have great problems with.  His love is total; I can only try and approach that level; it is a goal.  But, that means that He is always looking out for everyone and, sometimes, my “miracles” could make that rough.  So, if God wants to supercede my miracle, then I know that, if I wait, something even better will come along.  It always has.  It’s the basis of my belief system:

All things work together for good in the end; if it hasn’t worked out, it isn’t the end.

There are hundreds of examples of this rule all around us.  The usual problem is that we don’t see the examples.  Either we are too busy asking for what we want or we are upset that what we want has not come to pass.  Either way we are missing out on some great stuff.

I am happy with my belief system now.  It is still being tweaked, but the basics are done and I am satisfied that God is truly in my life.

How do you feel about miracles?  This post could go many directions.  I have chosen one.  If you want another direction explored, simply start the discussion in the comments.  If it grows large, then I can make it into a separate post!  Love to hear from you all!

Namaste,

Scott

The Search for True Love

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I was talking to myself tonight.  I do this all the time, but don’t worry, it’s only bad if you don’t know it’s you on both sides of the conversation.  It’s okay to answer yourself, but just know it’s not an actual social conversation.  Sometimes, it’s the only way you can be certain you are talking to someone on an equal level of intelligence, emotion, and spirituality.  Just sayin’…

The subject on tonight’s agenda was “true love”.  I mentioned this before:  I, apparently, don’t know how to pick someone I truly love or who truly loves me, so I have stopped picking.   I can date; I can get into some relationships, but marriage is not in the equation.  At least, it’s not until I figure this one out.  No more people who manipulate, take advantage of, humiliate, bully, order around, think they are the center of everything, and anything else that makes people miserable to be around.

So, I am having this conversation with myself and I have thought about some things.  I pretended that someone close to me was getting divorced and was pouring out her soul to me, wanting some answers.  I do better talking to women, so there.  I have said often that most men are jerks.  They spend so much time thinking about sports, war, and sex (well, sports and war are not so good, anyway) that they don’t seem to have emotions wrapped up much at all.  I could be wrong there, but not through experience.  Advice like “hang in there,” “just tough it out,” or “just drink or dope out, you’ll see” don’t cut it for me.  I would like a long conversation that involves more upper thinking.  Sorry, guys.  Some of you are great, but, be honest, you know what I mean.

Anyway, this pretend lady asks me what true love is.  I start to talk:

Maybe it’s easier to say what true love isn’t.  It isn’t constant manipulation.  It isn’t being worried every time the other person is out of your sight.  It isn’t wondering if anything is going on.  Those things destroy a relationship; true love should allow one to build.

True love is something that may not be apparent right away; it can develop; however, it should encompass mutual respect and concern, mutual understanding and a willingness to compromise if disagreements happen.  I am not saying never fight; that allows emotions to flow.  But, it should be short-lived and a willingness to come to an understanding and see each other’s point of view should be of paramount importance to both people.

There should be a solid enjoyment of being in each other’s company and sharing life.  However, I also think that both people should be allowed a decent portion of alone time or time with friends.  Jealousy is a product of low self-esteem;  it should be important to each person that the other person feel good about themselves so that worry and such does not have a chance to flourish.

Large goals should be agreed upon or, at least, compatible.  There should be no animosity over the goals of the other.

I don’t believe you have to be able to read each other’s minds.  I simply think you should be willing to understand that you can misunderstand or be misunderstood and keep the lines of communication and sharing open.

Finally, if all the above is going well, I don’t think the following should have much to do with it at all:

1)  Gender (Yes, I meant to put this one first.  Too much explosive problems over others telling people who to love)

2)  Age

3)  Religion (that’s a tough one)

4)  Family

5) Friends

6) Appearance (beyond simply trying to look your best)

7)  Education

While I agree that similarities in the above is important, they should not be the decide all in the situation.  If you are truly in love and have decided you are then, if family and/or friends cannot accept this, you may have to walk away from the family and/or friends.  Tough choices, but if it was easy, I would have no problem, would I?

One last thing:  it shouldn’t be the partner’s place to make the other feel wonderful and great all the time.  Each needs to take some personal responsibility as well as be supportive and helpful.

That’s my thoughts tonight on the matter.

How do you feel?

Have I left out anything?

_____________________________________

Namaste,

Scott