Tag Archives: stroke

Perhaps, the Time for Worry is Now…

It takes a lot to worry me anymore. The stroke miraculously removed the ability for me to excessively worry. That’s been good. Now, I have been “concerned” with this mess between US and Russia. I don’t even fully understand it. However, it has begun to worry me as a FB article says that our attack on a Syrian air force base is one step from clashing with Russia, even though we warned Russia and all of their troops were removed from the affected area. This animated article shows me what even my stroke-enhanced brain could not ignore.
Namaste, (Always remember God is with us)
Scott

Superhuman?

I have never really thought of myself as a super anything.  I was jumping around on Facebook (not an Olympic event or even a strong skill) and came across a video that I was glued to.

Superhumans

I hope you can all watch this video.

It is about all the superhumans in the world (the disabled who do things that even many non-disabled people can’t or won’t do).  It isn’t a particularly long video, but if you pay attention it is quite impressive.

Now, I will go back to my first statement on here: I have never really thought of myself as a super anything.

Yet, when I look back on the last 6+ years, I see a person who “died”, who had a traumatic brain event strong enough to cripple him, and I see him now being normal in many ways.  Yes, I  have short-term memory problems.  Yes, I have balance problems.  And, yes, I have vision problems.  But, I am told and I am seeing that I am compensating very well for those.  I can’t work a full-time job because of balance issues and fatigue issues mainly, but I do several small jobs.  I also chauffeur my Mother 2 days a week, visit my Dad 5 days a week, and help Sis get prepared for her surgery.  I run my own household, do a heck of a job balancing the budget, and I work on my computer (play and fun) a lot.  I play “Words with Friends” on Facebook – 30+ games at a time and win just over 82%.  I play online poker (fake money) on Facebook (WSOP), have 2 accounts (PC and Tablet – not my fault) – with $76million and $7million respectively and I haven’t paid a cent!

I have a good social life and even date some.

All-in-all, I think I maybe am a bit superhuman.  Sounds good.  Now, just what to call me?  Superdude, Supernerd, Superscott…too many choices.

Have a super day.

Namaste,

Scott

Killing Me Slowly…

Hayden Panettiere has entered a clinic for depression.  I loved watching her on “Heroes”.  I suffered a serious bout of depression (actually depression/anxiety) before my stroke.  I was in counseling for many years and medicated somewhat  moderately.  Hayden’s trip to the center has reinforced my knowledge that being rich and famous does not insulate you from the world’s problems.  The world inside our heads comprise the biggest part of our lives.

I watched a commercial tonight concerned with a new drug meant to treat type 2 diabetes.  It sounded promising except for the part where the side-effects can be much worse than the the illness.  I mean really, I take a drug to help me not have pancreatitis and not have to go on dialysis for kidney failure and those are two of the possible side-effects!

I saw an advertisement today that stated “Too many people are counting calories and not counting chemicals.”  How true is this!  We seek so hard to maintain a good weight and body type that we ingest hundreds of chemicals that can kill us – slowly, but still…

I read about cleansing our bodies (doing an internal cleansing) because we are bombarded by thousands of pollutants weekly.  So the air we breathe, the crops we eat, the milk we drink, the water we take in, the soaps we use – all of these can have contaminants that ravage our bodies and kill us slowly…

Is it just me or does it seem to you that our world, our sciences, our governments, our very selves are working overtime to kill us slowly?  I mean, with all the problems, all the poisons, all the global events, all the global warming, the food shortage, the water impurities, the splinter groups, the big pharma, the advertisers, the sweat shops, the new viruses, the dumping of chemicals, the image of the perfect woman-man-child-family is it any wonder that we are nearly all suffering from illnesses without and within that are killing us slowly, but without pause?

I did not set out to write a downer post.  I set out by writing from a couple of things I noticed today and just decided to keep writing.  I didn’t come up with a title until about the third or fourth paragraph in.  But, it really is as I see it – we are killing each other and ourselves.

You don’t think you are a part of it?  Let’s keep going a moment.  How many parents push their children into sports, into career fields, into families, into lifestyles?

How many of us expect our friends to be a certain way, act a certain way, do things a certain way?  How many of those ways are nothing really more than excuses to make them fit into our own little world instead of working out a way for all of us to fit together into a newer and better world?

How many of us ram commercials and needs and ways of being into and onto other family members so that our own way of doing things or of buying things will not appear to be too much or cut us short by not having enough?

And finally, how many of us say or do things purely to make ourselves count to someone else or to appease someone or some figurehead?  How many of us are acting in a manner that is consistent with an idea we think has to be upheld instead of insisting what we truly know is right is upheld?

Tired yet?  I am.  All of this has been building up in me and I really didn’t realize it.  Yet, today, I found myself yelling at cars again.  Yelling because the drivers did something that simply made me angry.  They didn’t really break my three rules of :  1) Don’t hurt me, 2) Don’t scare me, 3) Don’t slow me down.  I am usually very content if you keep those three rules.  I am even okay most of the time if another driver stretches those rules a bit because I am not upset and not in a hurry.

So, I find myself upset, angry, and venting a bit.  Is it my dad being in a nursing home and probably never coming out?  Is it that my life since my stroke has been tough and always changing?  Is it that my mom and my sister are scared and worried because the man who has always been in their corner just isn’t up to it now?  Is it that I no longer sleep well and have spent the last couple of months doing more mental and even physical work than I had gotten used to doing since my stroke incident 5 1/2 years ago?

Yes…

I have been s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-d nearly to my breaking point and, other than you dear readers, I have had no one I trusted enough to vent to.

So, now I have vented.  Now, I have spoken truths I have kept to myself.  Now, I have purged a bit…done a cleansing…freed my mind.  Has it served a purpose?

I don’t know…

What I do know is I have passed on information I really wanted you to know.  And, now, I have realized, other than that, none of it is my responsibility.  You have my information.  You have the ability to think.  You have me to question…the rest is all up to you.  Decide or don’t.  I finally see that all I can do here is report.

I love you all.

Namaste,

Scott

Looking Back, Looking Forward

I read a post by James Radcliffe about “As I Get Older“.  It has been highlighted should you wish to read the original.  I decided, being 57 instead of 37, there might be a different slant on the post should I write one similar.  So, here it is…

I am happy with my life.  There are problems, to be sure.  The list is (not totally finished, but for the most part):

  1.  I suffer from Diabetes.
  2. I have bad arthritis in my right hip (left one is replaced).
  3. My feet are somewhat numb, are somewhat in pain, and swollen much of the time.
  4. I am disabled and can no longer work for a living.
  5. My Dad had a stroke and is suffering from the loss of a kidney.
  6. I had a major hemorrhagic stroke in May 2010.
  7. I am divorced twice.
  8. I am out of shape.
  9. I have double-vision.
  10. My memory is spotty at times.

There are the top ten, anyway.  So, I do have reason to be cynical, suffering, nasty, angry, and whatever else many people would feel in my spot.  But, as I said earlier:  I am happy with my life.

I don’t know just how many reasons there are for this, so I will just write and see – let’s travel that road together.

#1  I have worked many different jobs in the course of my 29 years of working.

I have done major working as a Security Officer, a Computer Technician, a Computer Programmer, a Computer Systems Manager, and a Teacher.  I have also worked as a Newspaper Routeman, a Substitute Teacher, a Janitorial Person, a Restaurant Server, and a Restaurant Assistant Manager.  Plus, there have been the odd jobs as a Salesman, Babysitter (high school), and several others I cannot think of at the moment.

Through all of these, there were times I hated and times I loved.  However, in all of them, I found a decent amount of pride and joy to know I had the capabilities to be hired to do them and I did them as best I could.  This has been a wealth of information to draw on when talking to people and trying to help my students.

#2  I have been many places.

I sang in high school and did so quite well. Now, my singing performances are restricted to the shower and an empty car with the radio in the background.  But, because of this, I went to All-State Choir, I sang at choral contests, and I even ran a small (4 people) group who sang in churches a few times.  The biggest single thing I did was to go with Varner Chance and the “Sounds of Hope” choir/orchestra to about 18 countries in one month and sing there.  Again, all of this has given me volumes of material to use to help people with and to focus on when I am down.

#3  I have learned to be alone.

Being divorced twice is not a record and it is not necessarily something to be proud of.  However, it has given me two opportunities:  First, I have gotten to “start over” several times.  This has allowed me to be able to learn from previous mistakes and try again.  Difficult?  Yes!  But, I am now doing okay with my life and myself.  The same can be said for all the jobs I have had.  They allowed me to start over.  The biggest thing I have learned (and it took all 57 years) is I am fine by myself.  I can live, function, and enjoy life as a single person, one who is not even dating.  I would enjoy dating again, perhaps even marrying again, but, for now, I am fine.

#4  I can cook and clean.

This sounds a bit trite, but with all the things going on in my life so far, I do count decent cooking, cleaning, and following recipes as something of importance.  I know many men who, because they are single, have to go out to eat, order take out, or find someone to date who can cook.  I can take care of myself.

#5  I have a widespread education.

My formal education comes from the fact I have an BA in English with minors in Religion and Psychology, An MA in English, and advanced certification in Elementary Teaching and Special Education Teaching.  My daughter tells me I have nearly as many hours in education as she does for her PhD.  Again, this spread has given me many different viewpoints and, when coupled with the wide range of reading I have done, I can help people more and more from many areas of life.

#6  I have two wonderful children.

My greatest accomplishment has been to raise two children of whom I am very proud.  Divorce (especially two) can often cause major setbacks in children’s lives; however, my children have turned out wonderfully.  My daughter is married, lives in a nice home, and is a practicing Psychologist with a PhD.  My son is out in Oregon and making excellent money as a Computer Consultant with is both well-liked and much wanted by his community.  There is nothing that compares to being able to say this and stand up tall and proud because:  they both love me very much.

Okay, 6 instead of 5.  They are different reasons, however, I imagine James Radcliffe will alter his choices just a bit in 20 years.  Perhaps not, we shall see.  In my case, I am comfortable with life and, because of my previous stroke and my beliefs, I am comfortable with death (though I hope he stays away for a long time yet!).

Namaste,

Scott

Where Am I? I wasn’t Here!

I know; I know.  It’s been about a week without really a word from me.  In that time, I managed to lose 3 games of “Trivia Crack” due to time elapsed, I waited over 3 days to do some of my “Words With Friends”, and I have been stressed out, tired, and so very frustrated.

No, silly, it wasn’t sex (though the symptoms certainly bring back memories – not really good ones, either).  It was nothing pleasant at all:  my Dad had a stroke.

Well, it turned out to be a TIA; it was downgraded.  It seems the difference is whether the damage remains permanent or not.  Apparently, his blood pressure may have dropped too low due to his medications combined with going back on dialysis.  What I do know is the night following the TIA, while I was lying in the couch/chair in Dad’s room, the nurse came in and gave him his blood pressure meds and, about 2-3 hours later, I was calling them to his side because his blood pressure, which had normally been around 150/70 or so, was now 77/41.  They began pumping fluids in him and I left when it was 84/50 and rising.

He is much better now, but in that time, we all took turns staying with him most of the day/night.  My general shift was 7:30pm-around 1:00am.  I would watch a baseball game with him (I am not a fan, but am learning the game well) and stay until he had been sound asleep for about 1/2 hour.

Anyway, that’s the reason for the long absence.  I have tried to read a few posts, but have had another problem.  I have borrowed my Dad’s IPAD.  He doesn’t really like it, so he told me to learn on it.  I have never used an IPAD before.  I can’t say I love how they run (man, I love my desktop with windows), however, once I FINALLY got it set up (That would be early this morning, by the way), it is pretty cool to have.  I can watch about 6-7 episodes of “Star Trek DS9” (am halfway through season 5) and do some online poker (free) and check out Facebook and “Words with Friends” without recharging.  It is nice and small (at least, compared to the full backpack my lap top requires) and it is not that difficult to use (Once it is SET UP.  Did I mention that?!).

Well, that’s the news for now.  Dad is much better – smiling, watching TV, and complaining about the hospital.  That makes us all happier.  It especially makes me happier because I found out that, during Dad’s ordeal, I stressed out and that shot my blood sugar up from about 110-almost 210 at times.  It wouldn’t go down.  It even went up after a self-imposed 17 hour fast!  When I finally saw on Google (Gotta love Google) that stress can do that, I went through my relaxation responses, said my prayers, and mentally chose to relax.  This morning was 124.  Still a bit high, but I could eat.  I will simply have to refocus my attention on being calm when things are bad around here.  Who woulda thunk it?

Namaste,

Scott

Pam Grout

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