
I sit here today and things have hit me; thing that needed to get a bit to me have done so. I am melancholy; I am sad; I am enlightened. I am all those things and more.
I sit here today and think about:
Buckwheatsrisk and her abuse;
Mulberry Whine, who has survived the loss of a child for a year;
Sam, who lives wonderfully in a world that might well drive me mad;
Soma, who has a handicapped child she loves so much;
Niltsi, who suffers painfully;
The Enfant Terrible, who suffers – I can see it in her writing;
Grace, who suffers but braves it wonderfully;
there are others. I commented the other day that I had landed in the right place; I had found people like me. That is true. We all have suffered; we all have sacrificed.

Some of us have overcome by taking up a cause; others have overcome through poetry; still others have managed by painfully writing their feelings, putting them out there for others to read. We have all suffered.

I have spoken of unburdening myself more on this site and was told to “go ahead”, we’re not going anywhere. So I tell (retell) you all how hard it was growing up and always feeling guilty and bad and as if all of it were my fault, though I could do nothing to stop it.
I tell you how horrible it was to think that I could only have something if I either had to over-sacrifice to get it or have someone give it to me (because of either pity or because I was able to make them think I was good).
Living a life that is mentally horrible because of the way you felt about yourself is not really living at all.

Yet, I learned and I grew and I continued to suffer, but all to a reason. During the learning of that reason I helped raise two children who have, in spite of it all, become successes in their own rights; I have met some wonderful people who have been true friends; I have met others who were, somehow, hurting worse than myself – and I helped many of them.
Most of all, I met God and, though He didn’t change throughout it all, I did. I grew and I fell and I grew some more, then fell harder. This process which I could call the “Humpty Dumpty Jack and Jill” method of learning brought me to so many walls and hills that I am surprised I am alive; that is thanks to God, who never took His eyes or hands off me. He helped me grow and evolve into someone who is now pretty happy and even a little proud of himself, physically a mess, but staying in there.
And, I think of all these people I read with everyday, these blog posts, all of you who, in spite of the problems, write just like I do. We share ourselves and put ourselves out there to the world – and that is scary!

To myself and to all of us, I say “Wow!”
Namaste,
Scott
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