Here I Come…Whether I am Ready or Not

I wrote a post the other day about a young woman I loved in high school and how I hung onto that memory for years only to find out I was incorrect in the reason it ended.  There was a comment that came back from one reader telling me how much she loved the post.  That makes me very happy, but…

I wish people understood that, while I know how important it is to be personal on a blog, and that people love to read stories from experience (especially, those with heart), it is so very difficult for me to write about personal experiences.  I can talk about them one-on-one with someone I know.  I can discuss in a small group a lot of personal things.  However, putting it on virtual paper and passing it around the world is a whole other cup of tea.

I am a private person.  I live a lot to help others.  You can do that without sharing great details about yourself.  I find that I don’t mind sharing something with one person who has brought a similar problem to my attention.  I don’t mind generalizing my problems to help people understand a point.  Again, though, there is something about leaving it up on my computer (or on the WordPress cloud) so that people can go back anytime to see it, which bothers me.

I wish I wasn’t this way most of the time.  I hurt fairly easily.  This has changed a lot since the stroke (I got tougher and simply don’t give a sh** a lot), but it is still there underneath it all.  I don’t worry near as much what people will think, but I still try to avoid arguments and fights.  I find myself fearing what people who know me or were a part of it will think when I express my opinion on the matter and tell what I remember happening, or what happened to and inside me.

But, I am thankful for WordPress.  For well over 400 posts, I have been putting myself out there and you all keep coming back, many following this blog.  You take it all in stride and even compliment me, at times, for what I have gone through or what I think of it all – or both.

So, thank you!  Because of you all, I will continue to say what I feel and think and experience.  I may do so through a story, a retelling, a poem, or a picture, but I will do it.  Not only that, but you have enabled me to begin telling things I used to be afraid to talk about.  It’s good therapy.  I have decided that, if someone really snorts back at me (someone who was there or thinks they were hurt by what I said) I will talk about that and how I feel and what’s going on.  Again, more therapy.

It’s really all about that.  We are a community.  We care and we share.  You have each told me some things that have made me smile, cry, laugh, think, and all of them combined.  There has been no shock; it is just your life.  I will now try to do the same.

So, look out.  I am not certain what will be coming off and on, but it will be significant.

I love you all.

How does that make you feel?

What do you want to know about?  Ask…it helps me a lot.

Namaste,

Scott